


Good Mourning

by Sil_bD9



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Drama & Romance, F/M, Heartbreak, Past Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha, Pining, Post-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2020-05-14 12:33:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19273387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sil_bD9/pseuds/Sil_bD9
Summary: After they destroyed Naraku and Kagome wished for the Shikon no Tama to disappear, it not only took the sorrow, pain and loss with it.But also something Kagome thought was genuinely hers.[Post Canon]Pining Kagome, for a change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please read notes at the end

_They told me once, "There's a place where love conquers all"_  
_A city with the streets full of milk and honey_  
_I haven't found it yet, but I'm still searching_

_\- 'Good Mourning' Halsey._

Kagome’s chocolate eyes snapped open to be greeted by the well-known ceiling of the hut she’s been living in for the past three years.

Considering the situation, she probably should be waking up altered, dripping in sweat or maybe with her vision blurred by the tears.

But she didn’t, she was used to it by now. It’s been the same for the past three years. The exact same dream. Everyday.

_It was over, finally over._

_The spider was gone. Death was gone and so was the pain and the blood. Naraku was dead._

It usually started with relief. 

Kagome got out of the futon, not even feeling the need to stretch or rub her tired eyes. They have been tired for long now, rubbing them won’t help.

_She wished for the damned jewel to be gone. She had a lot to thank it for, yet the destruction it caused was far much worse than the good the gemstone did. She wanted nothing more than to get rid of damned thing._

Quietly, as most things she did, she made her side of the futon resting in the back of the small hut she supposed she  _should_  call home, dusting it off while not even sparing a glance at the unused side of it.

_And suddenly, the Shikon no Tama was no more. It was gone._

_Part of her had a hard time believing it. After all, everything about this time had something to do with it. She had to blink a few times to actually feel how the weight of its existence was suddenly leaving this world, this reality, for good._

She dusted off her usual miko uniform. Making once again, her daily wish to have something  _else_  to wear. Something that didn’t remind her so much of what the world was forcing her to be.

_But, the jewel didn’t just leave taking all the innocent souls it claimed in the past, the sacrifices and spilled blood with it._

_Kagome didn’t know how the ‘selection’ worked, but some of the victims came back. Not many, just enough for someone to count with their fingers._

Kagome walked out of her hut, sunlight greeting her as soon as she set a foot outside.

**_She_** _came back, but it didn’t matter. Kagome didn’t know_ why _, but it just didn’t. Back in the day, she thought that her lack of worry about the dead priestess return was due to the fact that she was sure that InuYasha had made up his mind already. That he chose her, not Kikyō. That he loved her, and not Kikyō._

A few children were already running around the village, laughter surrounding them as they played.

“Good morning, Lady Kagome!” Several of them greeted.

“Good morning, kids” She greeted back with a smile she supposed didn’t quite reach her eyes.

_Thought, her lack of care was because Jewel also took something else when it left this world, not just the sorrow and pain._

_That part of soul that wasn’t even hers to begin with also left her body that day. Detaching everything foreign from everything Kagome. Including feelings she believed were genuinely hers, but truly weren’t._

_She didn’t notice anything at first._

She silently walked to the stream that flowed just a few meters behind the hut. The sound of running water always relaxed her. It filled the dull silence that was constantly surrounding her.

Silence brought sorrow, and while the soft sound of the stream couldn’t get her completely away from her thoughts, it prevented them from getting worse... so she welcomed it.

_She remembers feeling such relief that it was making her tear up. Her face felt like it could split in two from the big smile on her face. Her friends felt the same._

_Everything was over. The time for being nothing but happy had finally arrived._

_Or so she thought?_

_“Kagome...” she felt a light yet electrifying touch on her right shoulder “Can we talk?”_

Kagome snapped shut her eyes so tightly, desperately trying to get those icy blue eyes out of her mind. It was  _too_  early for her ghost to be clouding her mind already. Yet again, no matter what, he always haunted her.

That handsome wolf-demon ghost. It was her life companion by now.

Part of her despised it, part of her loved it.

“Kagome!” A well-known voice said behind her.

Kagome splashed a bit of water on her face, and turned to her friend with her typical small, empty smile that has also become a part of her daily uniform.

“Morning, Sango” She said, drying her hands off on her clothing.

“Morning” Sango said as she caught up to her where she was standing. “I was waiting for you to join us on breakfast” Sango added, same cloud of worry in her eyes, as always.

Breakfast together... or more like,  _every_  meal together. That’s also something that turned out to be one of the many routines in Kagome’s life.

Sango and Miroku had made it a goal of them to have Kagome eat with them every time, in hopes for her to feel ‘less lonely’... they didn’t tell her  _that_  of course. They just masked their obvious concerns about her with excuses like that.

Kagome appreciates their effort, but ... She didn’t want to escape loneliness in the first place.

Kagome nodded at Sango with a smile. “I was just washing myself before joining you” She explained, making Sango smile in relief.

As they made their way to Kaede’s hut, where they usually had their meals, Kagome glanced at the Eastern Mountains, barely visible from the village, sending her daily and silent good morning.

X

“Good morning, Lady Kagome” Miroku greeted, already sitting on his usual place, waiting for breakfast while Lady Kaede continued to stir the breakfast stew. “Did you sleep well?”

Kagome smiled at his usual every day question, already making her way to her usual spot.

“I did, Miroku, thank you for asking” Kagome said as she sat down. “Morning, Lady Kaede”

“Good morning, child” The old lady greeted with a smile.

Kagome observed as Sango sat down right besides Miroku, gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek to then pull closer the make-shift nursery that currently carried their new-born daughter.

It’s been barely a month since little Aimi joined them. Sango and Miroku tried really hard to have a baby ever since they got married, that was about four months after defeating Naraku. Anyone would expect them to have five kids by now, but it wasn’t the case. Sango wasn’t as fertile as everyone hoped her to be, but she never gave up and after  _years_  of trying, Aimi was the little blessing that came to their world.

Kagome couldn’t help but look at Sango’s little but loving family with yearning. It made it even worse that Shippo decided to join a group of young kitsunes about a year ago… Kagome missed him a lot.

“Will InuYasha join us for breakfast, child? He’s taking his time” Kaede said, and Kagome could feel everyone flinch.

She silently wondered why they were still  _flinching_  at it, considering the fact that Kaede made the exact same question a couple of times a week. Much to her sadness, Lady Kaede started to show symptoms of Alzheimer a few months ago. She was nearing her seventies now and even if people’s life range was way higher in this era, age was catching up to her and fast. No one understood what was going on at first. The first time Lady Kaede asked _that_  question, Sango was so bewildered and angered by it she nearly started to scream at her in Kagome’s defense, considering it was a cruel and malicious question to make.

It took her a few days to realize what was happening, but the pieces finally fell on place in front of Kagome. Lady Kaede was sick.

She explained that to Sango and Miroku, that had a hard time understanding this ‘sickness’ and asked them to be gentle with their old friend.

“I don’t think so, Lady Kaede” Kagome answered, her smile intact.

It was the truth.

“Why not? He usually joins us even if he pretends he doesn’t like it” Kaede said again, now passing through bowls of stew to each of them.

_‘He used to... two and a half years ago’_

“This smells delicious, Lady Kaede” Sango said, trying to change the subject.

“Yes, delicious indeed” Miroku added.

“I can save him some stew if you want, Lady Kaede” Kagome said reassuringly. Lady Kaede nodded at her with a small smile.

“Is anything in for today? Do you need help with anything, Lady Kaede?” Miroku asked.

“Don’t worry yourself, monk. Just the usual” Kaede said while sipping some of her stew. “Ever since Naraku died nothing really happens. So just a few prayers with the villagers for today. Kagome and I will take care of some few ill villagers and if Sango doesn’t mind, someone looking after the young will be useful as well”

“Of course, Lady Kaede” Sango said and Miroku nodded in agreement.

If Kagome was perfectly honest, she never showed  _any_  desires to be a doctor. Not in her modern time, and also not here. Sure, she was usually the one patching the wounds of her friends back when they hunted for jewel shards, because she wanted to contribute to the team and feel useful, there was little to nothing she could do back in the day, when she still didn’t have much control over her powers... and while helping others brought some joy to her life, she rather do it in any other way. But, it was her ‘ _destiny_ ’. She was a priestess reincarnation, reincarnation of one of the most powerful ones at that, so she  _was_  to be a priestess.

“Do we have a flu growth, Lady Kaede?” Kagome asked, and Kaede made the same face she always made when Kagome used some of her modern terms.

“Just a few Autumn symptoms” Kaede simply said. “Spring is about to be over and it looks like we have a cold winter ahead of us. The change of weather is already affecting some of us. We should also start stocking herbs from now on, make sure we don’t miss anything during winter” Kaede said having Kagome a pointed look.

“Sure thing” She said at the task, trying not to groan in annoyance.

At least she’ll have something to distract her from the ghost of icy blue eyes.

X

Kagome spent most of the day tending allergy symptoms and stocking medicinal herbs. It was almost 3 p.m judging by the sun position and the shadows when Kaede finally set her ‘free’ for the day. So, she decided to trade some of her medicinal self made concoctions for some fabric, to try and attempt to make something  _else_  to wear other than the priestess outfit.

Her back was facing the hut’s entrance when someone came in.

“Hey” A familiar voice called to her. Familiar, yet so different from what it once sounded like.

_Was it his voice that changed, or was it her?_

“Hey” She simple replied, not even turning to look at him. “You missed breakfast... and lunch. There’re some leftovers near the fire” She pointed out, eyes still not looking looking at him, just focusing on her stitching.

“Sorry, I was... patrolling last night, just in case there’s any demons around, ya know?” He poorly excused.

_‘“Demons around” yeah, right’_ Kagome thought. There has been no ‘demons around’ since Naraku died, asides from pretty young, foolish and lame demons that were still too young to know anything. Because, what demon in their  _right_  mind would ever dare to disturb the village of the people that destroyed the evilest demon to ever live? Or any nearby village for the matter?

“It’s fine” Kagome just replied. She didn’t care. She didn’t care he‘s been out almost all day and all night for about two and a half years now. In fact, it was a relief. She couldn’t even look at him. Seeing his face just brought so much anger to the surface, so much impotence.

She’d rather not see him  _at all._

“... Okay” InuYasha said. “Does Kaede needs any help around here?”

“No” Kagome replied way too fast. She just wanted this conversation to be over. “We’re all done for the day, so don’t worry”

“Right” InuYasha said awkwardly “Do you need help with anything?”

She resisted the urge to groan.

It was unfair to blame him. Because at the end of the day, he’d been fooled as much as she was. It wasn’t his fault, at all. But she couldn’t help but resent him.

“No” She said, getting up and placing her unfinished work in one of the makeshift tables she made, in one of her several desperate attempts to make this hut resemble something like the place that was  _actually_  her home. “I’m gonna go by the Goshinboku” She said, finally looking at him.

She always gave him a warning whenever she was going to visit the sacred tree. She didn’t want any  _unpleasant_  encounters in the forest... and she was sure that InuYasha didn’t want that either.

“Okay” He replied, already fidgety in urges to get out of the hut. “I’ll be pratrolling tonight again, so...”

“It’s fine” Kagome cut him off, finally making her way out of the hut and towards the forest.

After minutes of walking on her own, she finally stood in front of the sacred tree. A tree that brought her equals amounts of pain and and equal amounts of happiness.

Three years ago, she’ll look at it thinking that this was a  _destined_  place for her. Here’s where she saw InuYasha for the first time. Here’s where she broke his seal and let him free. Here’s were all this journey begun. Here’s where her younger self thought she found the  _love of her life._

_‘Love of_ a _life, just not mine’_

She kind of despised it now. This tree  _deceived_  her. It was one of the many things that did. Deceived her into believing something that was certainly not hers.

But it brought her happiness, too. This tree was the only connection to her family now. The family that was 500 years in the future away from here. The time she’s been locked out of. The true home she’s been locked out of.

Kagome went down on her knees, positioning herself an arms length away from the sacred tree, looking down at a spot of brown soil in the middle of all the rich green grass.

She started digging in, hands and nails getting dirt all over, until her fingers made contact with something solid. Dusting off some soil that was over it, she began removing a wooden box out of the ground.

She opened the box carefully, making sure no dirt got inside of it, and pulled out a little paper scroll out of her clothing, to then put it inside the box. Then, she closed the box and proceeded to bury it back in the same place.

She didn’t even know if they were getting them... all these letters. They could easily miss them but it was the only way she thought of communicating with her family... or at least _sort_  of. After all, it was a one way street.

Ever since  _figuring it out_ , she needed so desperately to talk to her mom, to feel her comfort, to hear her say everything will be okay. To hear her say that she didn’t deserve this, she didn’t deserve being so  _brutally_  used. That it wasn’t fair, but she’ll be okay anyways. She couldn’t talk to anyone here. As much of a good friend Sango was, Kagome didn’t feel ready to talk her about this. Maybe she’ll never be ready.

So, after so much time of thinking about a solution to find some kind of  _hope_  to just let her mother know she was okay, to let her know what was going on around her, to let her now she was alive, and that she didn’t left them hanging, that she so desperately wanted to return to her  _home_... She finally came up with this.

She engraved her name right in the center of the Goshinboku, where InuYasha was once sealed, and found a box to bury in and protect letters that she hoped her mom would read. After all, the sacred tree was still very much alive in her time.

She only hoped her mom would see her name engraved on it, and discover the letters of long lost daughter that were bury beneath it.

She could only pray for it.

The box was already filled with tons of little scrolls by now, since she wrote her mother once a week. At first she had a lot to tell her, but now it was almost all the same. She wrote to her anyways, after all it was the one thing that brought her comfort in this place where she  _didn’t_  belong.

_“Sure, Kouga... What is it?”_

She closed her eyes tightly again.

“Stop it, Kagome” She whispered to herself. She thought she should’ve more control about her own thoughts by now, having it been three years and all. But everything regarding what haunted her daily remained like the very first day when she figured it all out.

She figured this was some sort of karma... of punishment. Punishment for not listening to him back then. Punishment for dismissing him so rudely without even considering thinking about what he said.

While she blamed the world for this, or whatever Kami was up there... She blamed herself equally.

_“I need to ask you something... and you gotta be honest with me”_

Kagome stood up abruptly from where she was kneeling.

She needed to get back to the village. Back to the distraction, back to where she could partially escape from her daily, unbearable torture.

With hurried steps, and while mentally describing in detail everything she was seeing in order to push her thoughts away, she finally made it to the very center of the village.

It wasn’t even a minute before the first villager approached her to lay his concerns on her. This was the way it was. Part of Kagome always screaming for her to find a more secluded space so people won’t ask for her to fix their own issues, and the other part begging for any kind of distraction. Dealing with other people’s mundane problems helped with that, even when she wanted to run far away, memories where far more painful that dealing with chores she didn’t want to.

It was nearly 6:30 p.m. when she was finally done. People where already making dinner for themselves and getting ready to dose off for the day so they didn’t need her anymore. And while she wanted to escape from her past for most of the day, she always went back to it around this time... when she sat down at the entrance of her hut, looking at the orange and pink hues in the sky, as the sunset washed the Eastern Mountains.

She had to say ‘Good Night’, always. Because when the dark night sky hid the mountains away from her view, she felt even more alone in this world than she normally felt. ‘Good Night’ meant ‘See you tomorrow’, and tomorrow meant hope. Hope for it to get better. Hope for him to come back to her.

She had to say ‘Good Night’ because if she said nothing it’ll mean ‘Goodbye’ and she couldn’t, for the life of her, say goodbye to him. It’ll destroy her. It’ll turn her into what once Kikyō was: a walking corpse. Not entirely dead, not entirely alive.

“Here you are” Sango’s voice quietly said, as she sat down besides her, eyeing the Eastern Mountains as well.

Kagome allowed herself to smile slightly at her friend’s comment.

“I’m always here around this time” She said just as quietly. “You already know that”

Sango turned to look at her, and while Kagome’s eyes where set and unmoving from the Eastern Mountains, she could feel the concern they held.

“Kagome, can we please talk?” Sango said, pleading.

“What about?” Kagome’s small smile remained intact.

“I thought... I thought you trusted me” Sango said, voice almost cracking. It was only then when Kagome turned to her friend. She meant well, and Kagome loved her dearly. Hurting her was the last thing she wanted.

“I do trust you, Sango. There’s just nothing to talk about” She tried to reassure her, placing her hand on hers.

Sango eyed her hand on hers, and her eyes meet Kagome’s once more, looking even more hurt than before.

“You know...” She started. “It might’ve took me about three years... but I figured it out” Kagome’s only reaction was to slightly drop her smile. “How your eyes look so sad all the time, how you always try to make this place look at least a little like your old home, how you don’t get jealous about  _them_  anymore...” Sango cited. “And how you always come here around the same time... to look at the Eastern Mountains” Kagome said nothing “It reminds me of that day? You know?” Sango said, taking a deep breath to get ready for what she was about to say. “When he said that your feelings for InuYasha-“

“ _Stop_ ” Kagome interrupted her abruptly. Tears already stinging her eyes.

It was the first time, the first time in years that someone else talked about him. About that day. About that conversation.

It was too much.

Sango’s eyes filled with pity once she confirmed her suspicions to be true. Part of her couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe this was the reason of her best friend’s despair.

“Oh, Kagome” She said, now her hand holding hers. Tears almost stinging we eyes as well. “What happened? Why haven’t you told me?”

“He was right, Sango” Kagome nearly sobbed. “He was right about it all”

The tears couldn’t be stopped now. Tears that she held for so long... as her mind cruelly replayed  _that_  day. The day she would take back and do over if she was given the possibility.

_“Of course, Kouga. You know I’m always honest with you” Kagome said, moving her hand to rest it over his chest plate in assurance._

_She always found herself drawn to touch him, from the very first day they met._

_Sango once told that wolf demons were very physical. They were brute with words, so they resorted to touch a lot to express their feelings better. Reason why Kouga was always touching Kagome even in the more subtle ways._

_Was that the reason why she always responded to his touch? Or why she felt drawn to touch him to? To help him understand better? To communicate better with him?_

_Kouga nodded once, and gently grabbing her by the hand, he guided her to a more secluded space. A safe distance from InuYasha’s hanyou’s ears, to be more specific. InuYasha, who was currently reuniting with the resurrected priestess._

_For some reason, Kagome didn’t feel the common surge of jealousy... but it was because InuYasha already chose her. Not Kikyō._

_“This might be a bit difficult for you to understand” He started, and he looked really nervous. Something that Kouga was not._

_It made her worry. They’ve just won. Some innocent people were brought back. Naraku was dead... so why was he looking like he was about to deliver some gruesome news?_

_“But you have to listen to what I’ve to say, and you gotta be honest, okay?” He said again, almost pleading her._

_“What is it, Kouga? You’re starting to worry me” She said with a nervous laugh, hoping to ease some of the worry building up in her tummy._

_“The jewel is gone, Kagome” Kouga said, icy blue eyes looking straight at hers, telling her that whatever he wanted to say to her was serious._

_“... Yeah” She said her voice wavering just the tiniest bit._

_In the back of her mind she had a faint idea of what this must be about. The jewel was gone and perhaps Kouga thought she didn’t need to accompany InuYasha anymore... which was always her excuse whenever the ‘You’re my woman so you must be by my side’ conversation came by. Every time Kouga brought it up, she’ll say that since she broke the jewel in the first place, her duty above everything else was to fix it. Only once she told him she was in love with InuYasha, when they first met and never again._

_Dread bubbles inside her at what was to come. There were no excuses now. So, if Kouga was to ask her to finally run away with him, there was no other thing to do but reject him... for a real reason this time._

_Why was she so afraid? Was she afraid to anger him? Or lose him? ... if she rejected him... they’ll surely remain friends, right? They must._

_The sudden possibility of loosing Kouga was already terrifying her._

_“And, everything it caused... the pain, the loss... it took it all away, too” Kouga continued._

_“Y-Yeah, it brought some of the innocent back, too” Kagome added with a smile trying to keep her trembling voice on bay._

_“Yeah... most notoriously certain someone” Kouga added, and it was only then when his eyes briefly left hers to focus on the dead priestess that was still reuniting with InuYasha._

_Kagome said nothing to the obvious mention of the now not-dead priestess._

_“Kagome...” He said again, eyes returning to hers. “Ever since I fell completely in love with you, I found that there was something just... weird about you”_

_Kagome was a bit taken aback. What was that supposed to mean? Was it because she came from the future? Kouga already knew that, though... it came up, one day. It was a pain to try and make him understand but he did in the end. Why was he pointing this out, though? She remembers very distinctly that he told her that it didn’t matter to him, they were gonna ‘make it work’ or whatever... she just laughed nervously at him back then._

_“...Okay?” She said._

_Or maybe he was the one doing the rejection? Was he gonna tell her he didn’t love her anymore? Or that it was all a joke? To piss of InuYasha? Why did that thought made her feel hurt, though?_

_“And I’m not talking about, you know... where you come from and all that” He cleared up._

_That was a relief... but if it wasn’t about that then what was it?_

_“There was something weird about_ you _” He said, and it made even less sense than before. “About your scent, and your aura...” Kagome visibly flinched a step back at this. Not knowing if it was something bad or not, and scared to figure it out. “About your soul”_

_Kagome blinked a few times, trying to make sense at whatever he was saying._

_“Kouga I-“ She tried to say “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say”_

_Kouga sighed in an almost exasperated way, but more at himself than her._

_“I just-“ He was trying to find the words, she knew that. And in an attempt to make him express himself better, the hand resting on his chest plate traveled to the skin of his arm, hoping the contact would help him find the words he was seeking._

_It seemed to help, because once Kouga’s eyes peeked at her small hand resting on his arm, he looked back at her more confidently. “Your scent, Kagome.” He started “I know exactly what it smells like. Lavenders and vanilla, right after the dew. I’d recognize it anywhere. I have it burnt in my memory”_

_That made her blush, profusely. The hand resting in his arm slipped a bit, now barely touching him._

_“Your aura? Feels like the first day of spring. Like the sun in your skin when it’s still cold in the shadows.”_

_“K-Kouga” She stuttered out, too flustered to continue to touch him._

_“And your soul?” Kouga continued, ignoring her obvious state of embarrassment. He continued, looking at her like he could actually_ see _her soul. “It feels like the wind on my face when I run, with the full moon shining over me” He said, and this time it was his hand resting on her arm. “It feels mine”_

_Kagome was about to explode. Her heart was beating on her hears and her stomach felt like an entire zoo was inside it._

_“K-Kouga I..”_

_“But” He interrupted her “There’s a hint of mint and herbs on your scent, that just doesn’t mix with the rest” She blinked in confusion at this. “Your aura has a hint of the coldest day of winter. When everything is covered under snow” He continued. “And your soul, just the smallest part of it. Feels like a day of pouring rain, when wolf demons hate running”_

_Kagome was looking at him bewildered. What was he trying to say? That she was perfect BUT had a tinge of ugly in her? That she was amazing BUT in the end not so much?_

_“Kouga, I don’t get anything you’re saying” she said honestly, and maybe even a little offended._

_“What I’m saying, Kagome, is that there’s something that’s definitely not yours about you. Or at least there was”_

_What the hell._

_“That’s making even less sense” She said, a little irritated already._

_Kouga was irritated as well, and nervous._

_“Kagome, you once told me you were that priestess reincarnation” Kouga said, and Kagome nodded at this getting even more irritated at his words. What the heck does Kikyō has to do with this anyways? “You told me, that you shared her soul”_

_“What does this has to do with anything?” Kagome asked rather impatiently._

_“You didn’t share her soul, Kagome” Kouga said. “Her soul was inside you, and part of it remained once she became undead. But there never was just one soul”_

_“I still don’t understand what’s your point?” Kagome was loosing her patience._

_“When you destroyed the jewel, and she resurrected, she took her soul back. Her entire soul. There’s not a single trace of it on you now”_

_Kagome took a few seconds to reply, digesting the information she was just given._

_“Well that’s a relief! Isn’t it?” She said._

_“Of course it is, but... how do you feel now?” Kouga asked, and he had hope in his eyes._

_“What kind of question is that?” Kagome was starting to reply not-so nicely. She was confused, and irritated, and she didn’t understand what he was trying to point out._

_“Look, Kagome. It was clouding you” Kouga just spilled out. He was trying to be as patient as he could so she could digest the information and understand what he was trying to say but she was not connecting the dots at all. “Her soul. I could see it. It was clouding yours”_

_“What the hell is that even supposed to mean?!”_

_She was afraid... and nervous. She didn’t understand anything but by the look of Kouga’s eyes, whatever ‘clouding’ mean was not good._

_“It means that her soul was controlling some parts of your life.” He finally spilled out, almost as irritated as her. “I’m pretty sure the reason you had her soul in the first place was because of the jewel. But your feelings, your thoughts? All hers. I could see it. I could see it clouding you.”_

_Kagome took a moment to finally understand what he was getting at. Her eyes were wide as plates, bewildered... because there was no way in hell Kouga was doing this to her._

_“And InuYasha?” He continued. “He was drawn to you because of the dead miko’s soul”_

_“Shut up” Kagome whispered, astonished._

_“I know it’s hard, Kagome. But you need to try and realize! Just think about it all and you’ll be able to tell that it was never really you-“_

_“SHUT UP!!” She shrieked, tears already blurring her sight._

_She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe someone would do that to her, much less Kouga. Lie to her like that. Try to trick her just to have her? She thought the world of him. She knew he had a crush on her, but this?!_

_“You know I’m telling the truth, Kagome” He said, trying to calm her down “Deep down, you know” He tried to touch her but she flinched away instantly._

_“Don’t touch me!” She hissed, face full of rage._

_“Kagome-“_

_“No!” She cut him off. “Seriously Kouga, out of all people, I’d never thought you’ll be able to do this!!” She was crying now, screaming and crying. “To make up some shit like this just to try and get me to be with you?!”_

_“I’m not making anything up!!” He growled back at her._

_“Seriously?! I thought you were my friend! I thought you cared about me!” She shrieked at him._

_“I DO!” He shouted. “I do! I do care about you more than anything in this world!”_

_“And you actually expect me to believe something like that?” Kagome ignored what he said. “How would you even know if my feelings are mine or not?!”_

_“For fuck’s sake!! I’m a demon, Kagome! Of course I know!”_

_“Then how come InuYasha doesn’t know?!”_

_“Did you hear what I said?? I’m a demon, he’s not!”_

_“Stop it, Kouga!” She said and looked at him with furious eyes. “I love InuYasha” she said, making him flinch at the statement. “I love him, so much” she added. “There’s just no way these all consuming feelings aren’t mine” she said. “I love him, and I always will”_

_Kouga’s eyes flashed pain for a moment, before they turned cold._

_“I can see right though you, Kagome. I can see your true feelings, I’d always have. Why do you think I’m still pursuing you even when ‘you’ are so in love with the mutt?” He asked her, and Kagome tried so hard not to blush under his piercing eyes. “What happens once you finally realize I’m telling the truth? You’ll come running for me? Begging me to take you?”_

_The slap hurt him considerably even if it was delivered by a human woman, and the noise it made was enough for everyone to hear, even from the safe distance they were from the others._

_“I_ hate _you” Kagome hissed out, tears running down her face while her hand trembled in sure pain._

_It was like someone pierced through Kouga’s heart._

_“Kagome-“ he tried to apologize. What he said was out of line. And the sight of her right now was enough to want to beat himself to death._

_“Don’t!” She cut him off again. “I mean it” She said, her voice shaky and her eyes clearly lying. “The lengths you’ll go to get what you want. Making this whole shit up, you’re just so fucking selfish!” She cried out “I really thought you cared about me” she added with a dry laugh, shedding more tears. “I don’t want to see you ever again” she whispered, voice trembling all the way through._

_It was like Kouga was being slapped again, because he took a step back at her words._

_“You can’t possibly mean that-“_

_“I DO!” She shrieked at him again. “I don’t want to see you ever again, Kouga. Ever!”_

_Kouga stood in shock for a few moments, watching her angry, crying face in disbelief. He just couldn’t believe what he was hearing._

_He never in his life lied to her. Not even when he kidnapped her._

_He would never lie to her._

_He couldn’t believe she thinks he’ll do such thing._

_He couldn’t believe she thinks he’ll purposely hurt her._

_“Fine” He said, stone voice. If she truly believed he was like that, then fine. “Whatever you wish, Kagome” he added, and she looked at him surprised at his reaction._

_Maybe she thought he’ll ask for forgiveness, or put up a fight to prove he’s right. Because he never gave up on her before._

_But he won’t._

_It didn’t matter anymore, though._

_“Just remember when you realize I’m telling the truth, that I won’t come back for you” and with that he left._

Kagome sobbed at the painful memory.

True to word, Kouga never returned.

At that time, she thought that they just had a fight. That he’ll return, like he always did, no matter what. With some pretty wild flowers in his hands, and that charming smile she loved so much. She was sure. It was just a fight. Friends fought every once in a while. He would return.

But he never did.

And true to word, he was right. About everything.

Instead of the marriage Kagome always dreamed of, she had a mating ceremony, almost as soon as they arrived to Kaede’s village.

That night, the night that was supposed to be the best night of her life, the night she gave herself to InuYasha completely, the night he marked her as his, the night he chose her... the fireworks never came.

It was lacking, empty.... in every sense of the world. InuYasha seemed to feel the exact same, because she looked as confused as her.

She blamed it to the stress. To the many emotions of defeating Naraku, to the stress free life they weren’t used to, to the loss of Kouga.

She was distracted, that was it. The fireworks will come, the butterflies in her belly will flutter again, the blush in her cheeks will burn like it always did. She was just distracted.

Maybe she needed to talk to her mom, she thought. Deliver the good news:

The defeat of Naraku and her Mating ceremony.

Except, that when she tried to, she couldn’t go through the well.

She cried that night... and the next one... and the next one. She cried so much. She screamed and kicked and begged and cursed. Her heart was broken in a million pieces. And for some reason, InuYasha’s reassurance that she had him for the rest of her life was absolutely not enough. Even though she always knew that if she were to choose between InuYasha and her family she’ll pick him.

If she could turn back in time, she’ll make another choice. 

She told Sango instead. She told Sango what happened between her and Kouga, trying to find at least a bit of comfort in her best friend.

Then the nightmares started.

At first they were foggy, she could barely make what was going on. But the icy blue eyes? Always crystal clear. Always present.

InuYasha got distant. Rumors about Kikyō living in the forest started to arise, and so did InuYasha’s idea about ‘patrolling’ even if they hadn’t had a demon’s attack ever since Nakaru’s dismissal.

Sango was suspicious, and Kagome couldn’t find herself to care.

The realization of her true feelings came exactly a year later.

She tried, she tried so hard. She tried to remember the ‘cute’ moments she had with InuYasha, the meaningful moments. She hoped she would swoon at the memory, or at least feel a shadow of what her younger self felt back then.

But it all seemed empty and just...  _wrong_. She could remember every single moment clearly, but it felt like she wasn’t actually there when it happened. It felt like she was a spectator, a third person watching a scene. It felt like the memories didn’t even belong to her.

She tried to focus on them, but they seemed foreign... and her mind seemed to drift to other memories instead. Memories of icy blue eyes. Memories that had her blushing like a school girl, even if she could swear that was  _not_  how she felt back in the day, yet... it all seemed to had happened  _just_  like that.

The dreams continued.

Her mating mark disappeared.

She couldn’t pinpoint exactly when, because she hardly ever looked at it to begin with. Looking at the two twin marks made her nauseous, and made her feel so dirty she wanted to wash her body until it bled. Until there was another scar replacing the two twin marks.

She excused her feelings towards it by blaming herself for relating the day of her mating ceremony to the day she lost her entire family.

She asked Sango about it. Was it because she was human, and not a demon? Or because she was a Miko and her powers were developing at a fast pace? (All she did was train, anyways. A perfect excuse to stay out of the hut, and away from.... never mind)

Sango looked heartbroken at the question. She held her hands, ever so tenderly, and explained that when a mating mark disappeared, it only meant two things: either your mate is dead or has taken another mate.

InuYasha was not dead, she new that much.

Kagome’s only reply was ‘Oh’.

While InuYasha kept on ‘patrolling’, Kagome kept on dreaming. More clearly each day.

Being near InuYasha was making her feel somewhat ill.

He felt guilty, she could make that out. He was trying to spend more time with her, but they seemed to draw each other apart like same poles of a magnet. It was uncomfortable. It was almost unbearable.

The same icy blue eyes kept on visiting her every night.

She figured out how to let her family know about her. Know about what happened. Sort of.

It’s been almost a year, and she couldn’t imagine how much despair her mother must be feeling. She needed to let her now she was alive, or at least try to.

And she figured it out.

It was when she wrote her first letter, that the truth came like a lighting falling right on her.

Right after telling her mother that she was alive and well, and that she missed her dearly and wished nothing but to be home with them, she mentioned him.

And kept on talking about him.

It was once she read the finished letter that she realized.

How or why she even started to talk about him, she didn’t have a clue.

But 90% of the letter was him. And how sorry she felt for blowing him off like she did, and the mean words she said.

And how much she missed him.

...Her mother barely knew about Kouga.

She started hyperventilating. Shaking so bad that she couldn’t keep herself on her feet. Her knees gave up as the letter felt to the floor, and she cried. So much. So hard.

Sango found her like this, inconsolable. She tried to calm her down for like what seemed hours, and once she finally did, she couldn’t find it in her to tell her the truth. 

She told her she missed her mother (which wasn’t a lie) and that she found a way to let her know she was fine.

Sango understood, and didn’t ask any more questions.

After that, the resentment at life, at the Shikon no Tama, at Kikyō, at InuYasha and at basically all, started.

She was used. Used by a cursed jewel. Deceived.

She knew that if Kikyō’s soul remained where it belong, she probably would’ve returned home the minute she set a foot in the past... and Damn it all.

She also knew that was a lie.

She would’ve returned anyways, and she would’ve helped anyways. But all that heartbreak? All that pain? All that love triangle bullshit that she went through? None of it would’ve happened.

Her own feelings were overshadowed by a foreign soul. And so did ‘InuYasha’s ‘feelings’ for her.

_None of it was real, and she lost Kouga for it._

“Kagome please, calm down” Sango begged as she hugged her tightly. She was so lost in her memories it felt like she blacked out momentarily.

“It wasn’t me, Sango!” Kagome cried out. “It wasn’t me and he knew, and yet he chose to wait for her damned soul to finally leave me. He waited for me while Kikyō’s soul pinned over InuYasha” Kagome cried again. “And then I didn’t even hear him out. I kicked him out of my life thinking he’ll return someday”

“I’m so sorry, Kagome” Sango said, not sure what to do. While she suspected Kagome’s state was Kouga related, she could’ve never fathom anything like this!

“He’ll never come back for me” Kagome said. “He told me so”

“I bet he’s just really hurt” Sango said trying to confort her. “Maybe you should be the one seeking him out this time”

Kagome wiped away her tears with her sleeves.

“It’s been three years” She whispered. “He’ll never forgive me”

“You don’t know that, Kagome” Sango said, rubbing her back. “You’ll never know if you don’t try” She added. “I’m not gonna say he’s gonna forgive you right away. It might be difficult” She explained. “But I never knew you for someone who gave up so easily” She said with a teasing smile, and Kagome allowed herself to chuckle at the comment.

“How do I even get to him?” Kagome sniffed. “I’d die trying to climb those mountains”

Sango smiles at this.

“Kilala hasn’t had a good flight in years” She said, smirking at her. “I’m pretty sure she won’t mind”

Nervousness bubbled in Kagome’s stomach. She didn’t know if this was the right choice.

But if you never try, you never know... right?

Her chocolate eyes settled on the Eastern Mountains one more time, before the sun finally disappeared, hiding them completely from her view.

Maybe today she won’t say ‘Good Night’ but ‘See you soon’.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read notes at the end.

_Sunsets, sunrises_

_Livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves_

_Changin' the seasons_

_Some nights I think of you_

_Relivin' the past, wishin' it'd last_

_Wishin' and dreamin'_

_\- 'Birds' Imagine Dragons._

Kagome had to actually  _dust off_  her old yellow backpack.

It was hidden under several boxes in the far corner of her hut, getting unintentionally covered up by many and certainly most useful stuff over the course of three years.

She hadn't need it again after defeating Naraku, there were no more exciting journeys ahead, so why would she keep it in hand anyways?

While dusting it off, it broke her heart a little to notice that its yellow color wasn't as bright as it was when her mom would pack up bento boxes for her adventures in 'the past'.

It was a worn out, dull yellow now.

Kagome turned her eyes off of it once she felt memories trying to creep out. She already has a lot of them to deal with at the moment; she definitely didn't need to deal with the memories that reminded her how she was basically possessed by the soul of someone else.

She was packing everything that she thought could be necessary, and even more so. Her mind was running miles per second, drowning any other possible thought with hundreds of case scenarios of how this insane decision of hers could go.

_'Would he want to see me?' 'Is he still mad?' 'Would he still be the same?' 'What if he changed?' 'What if he doesn't miss me like I do?' 'What if he hates me?'_

_'What if he found someone else?'_

Her thoughts were cut off when someone entered the hut.

"Kagome" Sango called out to her making her turn to her direction.

It was really early in the morning, the sun just beginning to threat coming out, so it was still considerably dark out, but Kagome could still see tears threatening to escape her friend's eyes.

That's all it took for Kagome to jump up to embrace her.

They both sobbed quietly, holding each other tightly, not wanting to let go.

For three years they've been together every day. Holding each other up during difficult times and besides the other during the happy ones.

Kagome didn't have any family left. Her biological one 500 years away from her, unreachable; and Shippo also far away in distance.

Sango was her sister and now she was leaving her as well.

"I don't know if I can do this, Sango" Kagome sobbed out.

She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure about anything and she was so, so scared. She wanted nothing more in the whole wide world than to see him again, to see his icy blue eyes other than in her mind, but she was so nervous, so scared. She wasn't sure she'd be able to take his understandable hatred towards her if that were the case.

Sango gently separated herself from her, still holding Kagome's arms to then look at her with warm, reassuring eyes.

"Yes you can, Kagome. Of course you can" Sango reassured, rubbing her friend's arms.

"W-What if he doesn't want to see me?" Kagome hiccupped between a sob. "What if- What if he found someone else?"

Sango's smile dropped and looked at her with concern and sympathy at her last question. She bit her lip and struggled to find an answer for that as Kagome watched her helplessly.

Kagome knew that Sango wanted to tell her that there was no way Kouga could've ever taken another one for mate. She wanted to tell her that he loved Kagome so much, that there was just no way. That he loved her and was waiting for her. But if she did, that wouldn't be the truth.

Because Sango didn't know. She didn't know if Kouga wanted to see Kagome or not, and three years was still a long time even if he was a demon. He could've found another one to be his mate, a lot could've happen.

"If that's the case then…" Sango said carefully "You'll go there and apologize to him, and try to befriend him again" Sango said with a sad smile. "You owe him that much, don't you think?"

Tears streamed down Kagome's cheeks at her friend's words, but she knew she was right.

It was her fault they were in this situation anyways. She was the one that didn't even listen to him in the first place, and she also was the one that never moved a finger towards his direction to find him knowing fully well she was in the wrong, always hoping he'd come to her instead, like her saving grace… sweeping her off of her feet, like he always did. He told her he wouldn't, and she still let three years to pass to react.

Anything could've happen in three years.

"C'mon" Sango said tenderly after a moment. "Kirara's ready and waiting for you outside. It'll be better if you leave before the first villagers awake"

Kagome collected some last few things, including the fabric she was working on yesterday, to the finally slung the backpack over her shoulder and following Sango out in the still dark chilly morning towards the entrance of the village.

Kirara was waiting for them just beside the large wooden column that marked where Kaede's village started, already in her largest shape, observing the surrounding forest.

Kagome let out a shaky breath.

"Here" Sango whispered, intentionally being as quiet as she could to not disturb anything that might be hiding in the forest nor the villagers.

She placed a small makeshift fabric bag on Kagome's hands.

"Just some dried meat, berries and nuts. Just in case" Sango whispered, and smiled sadly at her. Kagome felt like crying all over again. "Don't worry, Kagome. I'll take care of everything around here"

Kagome couldn't help but feel worried still.

"What are you gonna tell Kaede?" She asked, feeling her voice wavering and tears prickling her eyes again.

"That you got something to do" Sango said, as it was just so simple.

"But what if she needs me? What if the villagers need me? What if there's a flu growth with the upcoming winter?" Kagome babbled, and Sango cut her off by grabbing her by the arms again.

"Then there're a lot of trainees that will help her just fine" Sango reassured her again.

"Yeah, but what if there's a demon-"

" _Kagome!_ " Sango exclaimed as quietly as she could, but she smiled at her friend once she finally shut up. "We'll take of it" She said, and Kagome sighed.

"It's my duty, though" Kagome said with guilt in her voice.

"It's not" Sango said. "You never wanted it, you never liked it." She cited. "They told you what to do and you were kind enough to do it but it doesn't mean it's your obligation, Kagome." Sango continued. "You're allowed to do what you want"

"I'm leaving you" Kagome said finally, unable to held back tears.

Sango let out a sad chuckle, and she hugged her again.

"And I wish you wouldn't" She said in complete sincerity, while also crying. "I really wish you could stay. I wish you could be happy here" She added, and broke the hug. "But you aren't" She said. "And that's okay, Kagome" She assured. "And while I want you to stay here, there's nothing else I want more in the world than for you to be happy,  _truly_  happy" She said with sincerity. "You need to get rid of that burden you're carrying, Kagome. It's crushing you" Sango pleaded. "And this is the way to do it"

Kagome bit her lip, and nodded.

She understood what she meant. Regarding of what could happen, or how he would react when he saw her, or if he would forgive her, she needed to apologize. She needed to let go of this guilt and regret that were consuming her, even if things didn't go the way she wanted them to.

Kagome hugged Sango one last time.

"I'll miss you" She whispered, and felt Sango smiling over her shoulder.

"I'll miss you more" Sango replied, and they both broke the hug.

Kagome gave her friend one last nervous but decided smile, to then secure her backpack over her shoulders and hop on Kirara.

She simply caressed Kirara just behind her ear as a signal to take off, because she didn't trust her voice right now.

Nostalgia washed her over as she felt Kirara leap up to the now shyly clearing skies for the first time in who knows how long.

With her sight set on the still barely visible Eastern Mountains, they took off and Kagome didn't turn back her head once.

She forced herself to look ahead of her instead, for the first time in three years.

X

The sun rose completely just as Kagome and Kirara disappeared from Sango's view.

She stood the whole time there, capturing the every last bit of sight she could of her friend. After all, who knows when she would see her again? It could be tomorrow, it could be in a few weeks or months, it could be never.

Anything could happen beyond this point, and she wouldn't blame Kagome if she never returned.

It did pang her heart a bit when she didn't see Kagome turn around once to her as she left, but she also understood. Everything was just so painful as it was, if she could help it, she won't have anything hurting Kagome any more than she already is. It took a lot of courage to do what she was doing, because like she stated before: anything could happen beyond this point. This could go very well, or terribly wrong.

She trusted Kouga enough not to be a complete dick head, even if he had every right to be still angered and hurt.

Even though she couldn't help but always be a little wary of the wolf demon because of what he  _was_  (mostly because she fought with her family wolf demons before) she also acknowledged that a part of her squealed a little at how sweet Kouga was to Kagome during all of those years hunting shards and trying to defeat Naraku ever since he met her. She also took a note at how much Kouga was willing to change or give up for her friend.

It was almost impossible not to favor him against the rude hanyou.

Still, Kagome chose InuYasha and while Sango was not very convinced (even less so since Kikyō also managed to return after the jewel was gone) she respected the decision. If Kagome was happy, who was she to complain?

Except, Kagome wasn't happy anymore.

She wasn't happy, not even after they mated.

Then, she lost her family. The gate to her home locked her out and she was absolutely devastated.

Then, in the midst of her grieving, Kagome revealed something bewildering to Sango. Something that was so unbelievably shocking that Sango at first thought it was all just a plot.

Kagome told her about the conversation she had with the wolf demon prince, before he exited out of her friend's life.

At first, Sango thought that Kagome was just grieving temporally. She lost her family and she lost a dear friend. It was all at once so it just hurt her so bad. But she'll get through this, she'll get better, she'll be happy again… with InuYasha by her side, just like she always dreamt of. But, she didn't.

Kagome looked just like a withering tree, green and pretty at first sight, but rotten and sick once you got close enough. It was like she was dying from within.

It still was almost unbelievable to Sango that she finally was able to figure everything out. It took her years, but she did it, and she managed to pus Kagome towards the only thing that could bring happiness to her again.

Sango sighed, sending one last silent prayer to her friend while she turned back to the village, with one last thought in mind.

It was curious; how Kagome was so worried about everyone else she was leaving behind, but hasn't mentioned anything that remotely regarded InuYasha while she left.

Not even once.

X

Kagome didn't understand how she was able to see the Eastern Mountains from Kaede's village even when they were actually far away.

It was around 3 or 4 p.m., and it was only now when she could actually say they were arriving.

They only stopped once during their way, around 12 p.m. to eat some of the dried meat and berries Sango gave her which she shared with Kirara, but that was it.

Even flying, the trip was taking them a good amount of hours. Kagome couldn't even fathom how long it was gonna take her if she instead chose to travel on foot or even in a horse.

But at last, the Eastern Mountains we're close enough to cover the entire horizon that was in front of her. Still, there was a thick forest they had to cross to finally be at the foot of the mountain.

Her heart was almost leaping out of her chest by now, nervousness consuming her entirely. So, she thought she'll just lean over Kirara to relax just a bit, but before she had a chance to do so, Kirara started growling.

Every single hair on Kagome's back stood up as her body went rigid while each of her senses went to high alert mode.

Kirara was growling at something just below them, so Kagome carefully as she could looked down.

Something was moving in the trees.

They were pretty high up still, so Kagome was certain that they were considerably out of reach. Unless it could  _fly_.

Big was her surprise when she saw wolf demons surfacing in the very top of the crown of the trees.

They were indeed looking and pointing at her.

She considered going down to them. After all, most of Kouga's pack knew her. Surely someone would recognize her.

She was about to tell Kirara to lower herself down a bit before she growled again, louder this time.

Kagome's attention turned once again below her.

The wolves on top of the trees were still there, staring at her. But now, she could also see wolf demons coming out of the bushes, running through the forest towards her direction.

Hundreds of them.

She's never seen so many wolf demons before in her life. Not even during the many battles they shared in the past.

Her trail of thoughts distracted her; she almost didn't notice the deathly sharp spear that was coming at her at an unbelievable speed.

She let out a loud gasp and dodged it miraculously, leaning her entire body to the opposite side in a brusque movement, causing Kirara to tumble as well. It wasn't enough for her furry friend to avoid the hit, though. Kagome instantly felt splutters of something hot over her, and the scent of iron and Kirara's loud grunt was only confirmed her fear. She got hit.

_"Kirara!"_  Kagome cried out in despair. Moving instantly to check on the spot the spear came in contact with.

She felt instant relief when she noticed the wound was superficial, just a scratch. But her relief was short lived when she chocked down another gasp in fear when Kirara made a sudden, forceful movement to the right causing her to almost lose her grip on the cat demon. Instants later, another spear ripped up on the air where Kagome's face was just seconds ago.

She was barely able to let out a shaky breath before Kirara continued to dodge the reverse showers of spears that were aimed at them.

_'What the hell is going on?! Why are they attacking us?!'_

She cut off her thoughts shorts, though, because they weren't important at the moment.

They were being attacked and if they didn't get away from here  _now_  not only she was going to die but so would Kirara.

But, where to go? All around was just thick forest and they couldn't get down to the ground or hope to get to the mountain because for all she knew this demons were everywhere!

"Kirara we need to go higher!" Kagome cried out, trying to keep her head from being a target.

She was almost certain these Kouga's wolves, they were in his territory anyways. Maybe they just didn't recognize her. Maybe if she explained who she was they'll cease their attack and lead her to him. But she'll be  _dead_  before she could manage to get an inch lower from where she was.

The attack wasn't ceasing. If anything, it was becoming even stronger.

They needed to get out of here.

It was getting increasingly difficult, though. Kirara was dodging as fast as she could, but some of the spear managed to scratch her pelt still. They were just so many, one false move and it'll be deadly.

There was just no other choice. Kouga's wolves or not, they were being cornered and out of time. This could make the situation she was in even worse, but she'll be damned if she let Kirara get seriously hurt because of her.

Still with one hand gripping Kirara's pelt for her life, she tried to turn as she could without losing her balance and reached for her bow and arrows that she had the good sense to bring with her. As soon as she positioned herself to take a shot, though, she only noticed the fast coming spear coming right at her when it ripped over her miko attire and deep through the skin of her arm, causing her to instantly drop her bow down the forest.

Kagome screamed in pain instantly, feeling her entire arm on fire and all the right side of her body getting soaked in hot, thick red liquid.

Kirara turned to her as soon as she heard the ear piercing scream, regretting it almost instantly.

Kagome felt Kirara's entire body tremble while she let a heartbreaking cry, before they began to fall.

The only thing Kagome was able to make out of it all was the wind hitting on her back, as she saw through blurry eyes how the clouds got further and further away while a trail of blood tailed her as she fell.

_Did it really end like this?_

It was the only thought that she could make out as she continued to fall, almost already feeling the harsh, unforgiving ground that awaited her.

Did it really end like this? Was this how her life would come to an end? After three years of doing nothing but drown in despair, and just when she decided to go after the one thing she wanted, she was to die, her body collapsing on the ground, while taking out one of her friends as well? Just when she was close?

Tears prickled in her eyes, escaping them and tailing her too in the air as she could feel nothing more than regret.

She supposed the only thing left to do now was beg for forgiveness.

She closed her eyes, just waiting the inevitable; but just as she did so, something pulled her extremely forcefully by the back of her clothes.

She chocked a gasp, feeling how she was moving to the side now, rather than diving for the ground.

Kagome tried to turn, and while her hair was a tangled mess, moving all over her face now she managed to make out Kirara's snout, gripping securely Kagome's clothes as she tried to maneuver their way down.

Kagome didn't have a chance to feel relieved.

Quicker than she could've ever dream of, they crashed.

Kirara was quick enough to drop Kagome before she crashed to the ground, avoiding the possibility of getting crashed by the immense size of the cat demon. Still, they crashed  _hard_ , and the considerable time they rolled over the ground did nothing good to their wounds.

Kagome grunted once she finally stopped rolling over, and shakily pulled herself up just using her good arm.

She was dizzy, her vision was blurry and her body hurt all over, but she still snapped her head up to look for her furry friend through the black, messy curtain that was now her hair.

"Kirara!" Kagome shakily exclaimed once her eyes found her. She tumbled her way to the cat demon that was still lying on the ground.

Kagome gasped when she saw her.

Kirara got hit, and while Kagome was thankful it wasn't a slash that she would had to puncture or could make her lose blood (like Kagome's own wound), the spear shot through one of her back legs and was still inside, poking through both sides.

Kagome dropped to her side, clutching her wounded arm to her that she could still feel bleeding.

"Oh, Kirara" Kagome cried out. What was she supposed to do now? Sure, Kirara's wound wasn't fatal or anything just yet, but Kagome doubted she'll be able to fly or even move. Kagome's wound, though… she didn't have much time, at least not if those wolf demons where still at them.

Sure enough, before she could even finish that thought, they were surrounded.

They were fifty or even more. All around them in the small spot they landed, looking at them like they were prey, eyes wide open in excitement, mouth almost drooling and spears pointed at them.

Kirara growled from her spot, attempting as hard as she could to get up but failing. Kagome stood up to her feet and positioned herself in front of the cat demon, clutching her arm to her as hard as she cloud to stop it from bleeding to much.

"Ya know? I find it so funny how humans think they above anythin'" One of them said, stepping forward while he chuckled, making Kagome's attention turn to him. "Ya been told the rules, girly, yet ya still here"

"So ya ours now!" Another of them exclaimed from somewhere, making the crowd exclaim in delight.

"I'm Kagome, from Kaede's village" Kagome said loudly, hoping to ring a bell in any of them but still looking at each of them challengingly.

They all remained quiet for a moment before the first one that spoke chuckled out loud.

"I don't care who ya are" He said and several of them chuckled as well. "Ya can be empress of some important human place for all I care. That all went to shit the minute ya entered this woods, love"

Kagome was confused, to say the last. Had Kouga's pack grew so much in the last years that absolutely  _none_  of these wolves recognized her? Because it wasn't even like they knew who she was but didn't care, no. Not even a dust of recognition flashed them when she said her name.

Still, she didn't back down. She needed to get out of here or at least she needed them to leave her alone for her to treat her wound and Kirara's as fast as she could.

"I'm looking for Kouga" She said then, and it was only then when the demons reacted. The one that was speaking blinked once and then clenched his jaw, looking straight at her.

"Kouga, huh?" He said at first, ogling her up and down. "Yeah, I can take ya to him" He added, devilish smirk growing from the corner of his lips.

Kagome considered for a moment, still unsure of what to do. Sure, she knew most wolves consistently had this wolfish attitude (no pun intended) and looked dangerous all the time. Kouga always did, no matter how sweet he was being to her at the moment. It was just an aura they had, making you feel like a helpless, naïve, chubby  _sheep_ when you were with them, like walking hand in hand with the devil. Knowing they could easily just snap your neck with a snap of fingers if they were bored enough.

Still, something was off.

Firstly, they were tons of them. Fifty or sixty wolves all surrounding her and not a single one of them recognized her. It's been three years, yes, but they were almost immortal, living hundreds and hundreds of years… Surely three years wasn't much for them, and most of Kouga's pack  _knew_  her.

Secondly, they were hiding in the forest before, even up in the trees. All coming out once they saw her to begin a merciless attack.  _Why_  would they do that? She knew that it was like that when climbing up the mountains but never in the forest; and even if it was Kouga's territory why would hundreds of them be hiding so far from the mountains? There were still a few miles away from them.

And thirdly, and something she only  _just_  realized, instead of the earthy brown furs Kouga's pack used to wear… they were all in jet black furs.

Something was definitely off.

" _Um_ , that's okay, I know the way so don't worry" She said, trying so hard to sound casual about it but failing. There was no way these demons wouldn't pick up her desperate scent and the erratic beating of her heart; it was foolish of her to think they would.

"Don't ya worry, girly" The same wolf spoke, as he slowly stepped towards her "I'll make sure to send some of yer bones to Kouga"

The wolf leaped right at her, and Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs, instantly closing her eyes, bracing for the unforgiving impact, but it never came.

Instead, what sounded what could be two enormous rocks clashing against each other was heard.

Kagome peaked through her eyes before snapping open both of them widely.

Another wolf demon, cladded in an earthy brown armor tackled the one in black, and before she could even continue to watch a fierce fight between the two, lots of brown armored demons and  _actual_  brown wolves invaded the scene, attacking ruthlessly the ones in black.

Screams, grunts, and cracking bones could instantly be heard, while Kagome watched pale faced blood splutter all over.

She didn't know what to do, because while everyone was ignoring them, they were still both wounded and in the middle of a battle with nowhere to go.

Her breathing was coming in raged breaths as she was just about to start hyperventilating when someone grabbed her from her good arm.

Kagome jolted in her place and turned to the offending person instantly, only for her heart to leap to her throat at she stared in disbelief.

" _Ginta!_ " She gasped in shock.

Ginta delivered a flash of a smile before turning serious again and ushering her towards the woods.

"C'mon, we need to get you out of here!" He said hurriedly. It was only then when Kagome returned back to reality momentarily.

"Kirara is hurt! I can't leave her!" She exclaimed.

"Don't ya worry, we got it covered!" Ginta instantly said in return, and only then Kagome turned to her furry friend to watch as several brown armored wolf demons began to pick her up. "Hop on!" Ginta exclaimed, turning for her to get on his back.

Kagome hesitated only for an instant before hoping on his back. It's been a while since someone carried her like this, and it was something she didn't want to repeat,  _ever_ , but at least this one someone she was fond of.

Ginta was out of the battle field before Kagome even realized.

Ginta run amazingly fast, and while it wasn't near as fast as Kagome remembered Kouga running, it was still something that impressed her. She supposed it was something she should have expected anyways, since Ginta and Hakkaku were always only minutes behind Kouga back in the day.

They stopped a few minutes later, the rest of the wolves carrying Kirara stopping besides them just a minute later. They were closer to the mountain now.

"Here" Ginta said carefully dropped Kagome off on the trunk of a fallen tree where she could sit.

Kagome grunted a bit when she sat down, clutching her still bleeding arm. Ginta looked down at her worriedly.

"Thank you" Kagome still said with a sincere smile. "I don't know what would've happened to us if you hadn't come"

"Don't thank me yet" Ginta said, eyes not leaving the wounded arm. "I have no idea what to do about that"

"Maybe we can take her to the nearest village for them to heal her?" Another wolf chimed in, walking towards them, and Kagome's heart fluttered in happiness again.

"Hakkaku!" Kagome exclaimed smiling from ear to ear. She couldn't believe how happy she was, or how much she's truly missed them as well. Hakkaku smiled warmly at her, but quickly turned to her arm with a worried expression. "Oh!" Kagome said and turned to her arm. "Don't worry about this; I can take care of it." She assured. "I just wasn't able to before because we were surrounded." She explained, while carefully removing her backpack from her shoulders and then began rummaging through it with her good arm. "I'll take care of Kirara as soon as I heal this"

She began taking out some tools and medicinal ointments out of it, while watching from the corner of her eye how the rest of the wolf demons separated themselves from them while muttering among them. Only Ginta and Hakkaku remained by her side as she focused on her task.

"Can you help me with my sleeve, please?" Kagome asked Hakkaku.

"Oh! Do you want me to?" He said and made a motion with his clawed finger of 'slashing'. Kagome nodded.

Carefully, Hakkaku slashed Kagome's miko uniform sleeve for her to have a clear access to the wound.

Kagome began working; while both wolf demons silently and awkwardly observed her ash she cleaned, disinfected and stitched her wound while they assisted her with her tools. It was only when she began placing some ointment on it that Ginta awkwardly cleared his throat.

"So, si- _Kagome_. What are you doing in these woods?" He asked and Kagome paused instantly. Not due to the question, but because of the fact that not only Ginta has called her by her name, but he  _corrected_  himself from calling her sister.

It tugged at her heart.

"I mean don't get me wrong, but…" He instantly said, hoping to not offend her. "… Hasn't  _any_  of villagers nearby warn you not to walk through these woods?" He sounded in disbelief, and Kagome was a bit confused, but regardless, she didn't voice it out.

"Kirara and I" She said and turned to her still wounded friend. "We were flying. So, we didn't really stop in any of the villages" She explained. They could've, but she refused to. Kagome was basically unable to visit any nearby villages or any village at all due to the fact she was a priestess and again,  _she didn't have anything else to wear_ , so people easily recognized what she was and showered her with favors and pleadings and she was just sick of it.

"Still, haven't you heard about anything? We just can't understand why you chose to travel through it, even if it was flying! Its crazy dangerous, not to mention reckless!" Hakkaku exclaimed now, and Kagome chose to ignore the part that sounded like they were chiding her like a little kid.

"What do you mean 'haven't I heard'? Heard of what?" She asked, now confused.

Both of them looked at her bewildered.

"Kagome" Ginta said pointedly. "There's a wolf demon war going on" He said, as if was the most obvious thing in the world and she was just dense.

"What?" Kagome asked not so convinced. "You're at war?!" She asked again and both nodded at her with 'duh' faces written all over them "Since when?!" She asked still in disbelief.

"Almost three years or so now" Hakkaku answered. "Seriously, though. Has your village heard nothing of it? I know you're kinda far away, but still!"

"Yeah, every village nearby is warned that no human should enter the woods. We can't promise protection here. While is our territory, it's basically a no-man's land now, at least till the war's over and we win" Ginta explained.

"Protection?" Kagome asked sounding dumbfounded. While she knew Kouga's pack gave up humans in their menu and stopped attacking humans wandering around near by the mountains, they never went as far as  _protecting_ them.

"Yeah, is the only treaty we could make them accept." Hakkaku sighed. "The western tribe hadn't given up on eating humans and it was the only way we make them agree to stop raiding human villages for a meal. So, basically: If a human gets into the woods is considerate suicide and available for them to eat since they've  _been_ warned"

"You came to a treaty like that?" Kagome said, and while it was still awful and not at all convenient because they could be humans unaware ( _example: her stupid self_ ) it was still impressive and kinda heartwarming that the Eastern wolves decided to come to something like that.

"More like Kouga imposed them, but yeah" Ginta said and Kagome froze.

It was the second person that in three years mentioned him, but for some reason it affected her so much more hearing the name coming from Ginta's mouth than from Sango's.

They both took notice on how her body tensed and her demeanor changed, and Hakkaku sent Ginta a chastising glance.

Kagome ignored them and stood up to quickly move to Kirara and began working on her.

Ginta and Hakkaku followed her clearing their throats awkwardly.

"So, sis- I mean  _Kagome_ " Hakkaku said and it was now Ginta's turn to chastise him by elbowing him without Kagome notice him. "Once you both are good to go we'll escort you to the edge of the woods so you can resume your trip surrounding it" Hakkaku added with a nervous but sincere smile.

Kagome stopped her stitching for a moment and turned to them with a confused glance.

"My trip?" She asked with an eyebrow lifted.

Hakkaku blinked.

"Or are you returning home?" Hakkaku offered instead, and Kagome looked at him like he couldn't possibly be serious.

"Whatever it is-" Ginta interrupted them instead. "We'll escort you out of these woods because you can't continue your way here it's packed with Western and Nothern wolves and not to mention just crazy dangerous..." then, it looked like he suddenly realized something "Come to think of it, where the  _hell_  is InuYasha?"

Kagome stiffened rigidly at the question and she wasn't able to hide her deep frown.

"Yeah... you're right" Hakkaku said, agreeing with him and pointedly looking and  _sniffing_  for him.

"It's just Kirara and me" Kagome said icily, but none of them got the hint to drop the subject or noticed a change in her demeanor.

"How the fuck has InuYasha came to the decision for you to travel alone? Has he lost his mind?" Ginta exclaimed, in complete disbelief and sounding actually  _offended_.

"Now that I realize... there's not a single trace of..." Hakkaku trailed off awkwardly once he realized what he was gonna said. He shared a look with Ginta and it was almost as if they communicated by telepathy, because Ginta instantly looked at him in shock.

Kagome knew exactly what Hakkaku was gonna say.  _'There's not a single trace of his scent on you'_

Thank Kami. She hoped they could put two and two together following that revelation, but that still didn't lighten up her mood. She was absolutely done talking about this shitty subject.

"Kirara and I  _traveled_  here alone." Kagome said with finality, emphasizing in the word  _traveled_ , hoping they'll finally realize that she wasn't traveling anywhere else nor returned home. She has, indeed, arrived to her destination.

Ginta was probably going to continue his rant towards InuYasha, when Hakkaku realized what Kagome was implying.

"Wait a minute s- _Kagome_ " He said, correcting once again what he was going to say, making Kagome shut her eyes tightly in order not to react as she paused tending Kirara once more. "Travel _ed_?" He asked, as if to check if he was the one who misheard.

" _Yes_ , Hakkaku,  _traveled_ " She said, as she finished patching up Kirara with some herbal ointment. "I'm not traveling anywhere, I'm not going back to the village, nor I'm just passing through here" She could swore he heard Ginta mutter  _'Oh, fuck'_  under his breath "I'm here to see  _him_ " She said, caressing Kirara's fur to let her know that she was done and getting a lick on her hand in return before she turned little and jumped to her arms. "I'm here to see Kouga" She said while turning to them.

While she definitely expected some sort of awkwardness, because she knew they would certainly be somewhat aware of what happened between them if not  _completely_  aware, she was definitely not expecting the near  _horrified_  look on their faces.

No one spoke for several moments, and Kagome vaguely realized that the other wolf demons got quiet as well.

"Uhm…" Ginta was the one who started, visibly struggling with words. "I think, sis… I mean, Kagome" He corrected again making Kagome inhale sharply "I think that you should just… go back home" He finished in an almost defeated tone.

"Yeah, you just… should go rest your wounds and…" Hakkaku added. "Go back to your… you know,  _family_ " He meant  _mate_. He meant InuYasha.

Their words weren't ill intended nor even angry, but rather defeated and almost  _sad_.

They crushed Kagome's heart in a billion pieces.

"Why?" Kagome asked almost whispering, her voice close to a tremble as she tried to blink back tears.

"It's… It's just a bit complicated right now" Ginta said with a sympathetic eyes.

"Because of the war?" Kagome tried to say as casual as she could. It didn't stop her voice from wavering.

"It's a bit hard to explain" Hakkaku replied. Kagome's mouth turning into a thin line.

"Try me" She pressed on. She refused to just give in to whatever they were saying without at least an explanation!

They both shared a conflicted look, as if they weren't sure they were even allowed to tell her. But then, Ginta bit his lips and gave up.

"Uh, Kouga kinda… forbid us from letting you get anywhere near the mountains" Ginta said nervously.

Kagome stiffened at the words, hardly believing her ears.

"Forbid you?" She parroted, and they both nodded. " _I'm_  not allowed in the mountains?" It was as if she was asking if the rule went specifically for her or if it was for humans or whatever.

"You and your friends… and InuYasha of course" Hakkaku said.

Kagome tried to swallow the knot that was in her throat.

"Why?" She said breathlessly. The two shared a look again.

"Well… Ever since what happened" Ginta said, rubbing the back of his neck, and Kagome knew he was talking about  _that_  day and  _that_  conversation. "He ordered us not to let you, uh…" He didn't really wanna repeat it. "He said he was just respecting your wishes" He said finally, letting go of the breath he was holding.

It was like Kagome's heart was pierced. She knew what he meant.  _'Whatever you wish, Kagome'_ He said, to then point out that when she realized he was right, he won't be coming back for her.

The thing is, he also wanted to make sure  _she_  wouldn't be coming back for him, either.

"That's too bad" She said then, and both looked at her in surprise, probably thinking that she was accepting this decision and turning back to go from where she came. "I'm not leaving this place until I see him" She added then, causing both of them to look at her in shock. "And even then, I won't go back to the village until we talk"

Sango was right. She was never one to give up that easily, and she sure as hell won't give up now.

"Uh! S-eriously, s-Kagome you don't want that!" Hakkaku stammered in alarm.

"Y-Yeah, Kouga was very serious about it! N-None of us can help you! Each wolf in the pack was ordered not to ever let you in and if we  _defy_  him…!" Ginta added in total panic, while the wolves in the back started muttering between each other as well.

"Pity" Kagome said, not acknowledging at all their panicked state. "I guess I'll just have to deal with the other wolves myself"

She knew the position she was placing them in was completely unfair. She was wounded, and they knew that… so was Kirara. She didn't stood a chance without at least some bow and arrows to deal with the savage foreign wolves, and they knew that. So, she figured it came to them dealing with Kouga's rage or the guilt it was gonna come if she died.

They pleaded her for about ten minutes straight, but she maintained her posture. Arranging her stuff as if she was getting ready to continue her suicidal journey.

They pleaded, begged, turned down to their knees…. But, in the end, they did exactly what she knew they'll do.

"Fine! We'll take you!" Ginta finally said, somewhat pissed off but Kagome didn't blame him. "We'll take you to the den and hope Kouga's not gonna be too vicious. But let me tell you, don't be surprised if he refuses to talk, alright? Or if he kicks you out! We  _warned_  you!" Ginta rambled in complete and total panic while Hakkaku paced around, grabbing his head with both hands, muttering 'We're so fucked' over and over.

"Alright" Kagome said with a smile, one neither of them returned.

Both of them turned in direction to the mountains while muttering to each other how fucked they actually were as they began to walk without another word to her.

Kirara snuggled deeper in Kagome's arms, and she scratched behind her ear before beginning to follow the two wolves.

The only time she actually became somewhat worried about them both was when she heard one of the wolves behind her say ' _Those two seriously have a death wish'_

x

It took them about an hour to finally arrive up to the den, and the only words Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged with her during the trip were questions about her wounds and if she was keeping up okay. Which she replied she was fine, since she's learned how to use her reiki to heal her wounds quicker, almost as quick as a demon.

Once they finally made it to the den's entrance past the waterfall, she almost froze in fright.

Several things caused that state.

Firstly, it was how every single wolf demon stopped whatever they were doing to look shocked at her.

Secondly, how everyone started looking at Ginta and Hakkaku like it was their last day on Earth.

And thirdly, how the place was even more bloody and gross than before, but to her horror, it was not due to poor and disgusting eating habits this time, but because of the war.

They were several wolf demons laying on the floor with wounds that were probably the worse she's ever seen even including all the fights they had with Naraku, poodles of blood that rather looked like bottomless lakes, and corpses. Wolf demon corpses laying around.

"Oh my God" Kagome gasped breathlessly, as she tried not to be seek from the gruesome sight.

"Yeah" Ginta said, having listened to her reaction. "War's not being kind to us… But if it's any consolation, its being way worse to them." He added, leading her deeper and deeper into the main den.

Once they got to a little secluded area, that thankfully had no puddles of blood or corpses near sight, they both motioned Kagome to sit down if she wanted to. She did, and they sat down next to her.

It was only then when she was fully affected by the attention she was getting.

Most of them looked at her horrified, just like Ginta and Hakkaku did when she told them what her true intentions were. Others, were laughing. Laughing at the fact that Ginta and Hakkaku were in deep trouble. The rest, were muttering together curiously, wanting to know exactly what was gonna happen when their Alpha appeared.

Only now Kagome started to feel truly nervous and beyond terrified.

She tried to ignore everyone but focusing on petting Kirara that was resting on her lap.

Ginta and Hakkaku both let out a defeated sigh.

"Is he around?" Kagome asked timidly, and Ginta let out a dry chuckle.

"Oh, no" He said leaning back on his arms. "Trust me, if he were here you'd know" He said, and began to look at nothing, pointedly ignoring everyone else and Kagome.

"He's on his way, though" Hakkaku said, eyes nervously turning to the entrance.

Kagome's heart thundered in her ears.

"How do you know?" She asked nervously.

Hakkaku gave her a funny look, and snorted.

"Because you're here" He stated, and Kagome gulped but looked at him confused.

"But why would he know that?" She asked.

"Are you kidding, right? Of course he knows" Ginta said.

"How?" Kagome asked, desperately curious now.

"Well, first of all, he's an alpha" Ginta said as if it was obvious "Second of all, you're his-" He stopped himself abruptly, making Kagome frown in confusion. "You're you" He decided to say instead. "Of course he knows. He knew the moment you set a foot on the mountain."

"Yeah, it's only a matter of time before he-" Hakkaku stopped abruptly, and Kagome watched as his ears moved to find a sound and his nostrils flared.

Kagome then turned to Ginta to watch him look white as a paper.

They both jumped on their feet then, and suddenly, loud muttering and even panicked looks came from every single wolf demon in the room.

Kagome jolted up as well, keeping Kirara tightly in her arms.

And suddenly, she could feel him. She could feel his aura. Not that ghostly-like feel her mind made up for three years, no. She could feel him… Sun on her skin, warming her up while chilly winds caressed her skin.  _The first day of Spring._  Just as he described it.

He was here.

The muttering, while not completely ceasing, it quieted down… And, suddenly, people were moving from her line of sight, almost as if they were making space for someone to pass through.

Then, right at the edge of the entrance, just in front of the waterfall, there he was.

He looked just as she remembered him, or almost.

His towering heigh, that made her toes curl. His god-like sun kissed skin, so unlike anything she knows. His luscious, jet black hair, cascading down his signature high-ponytail. His unbelievable masculine features, almost sculpted like.

His icy blue eyes, that made her feel un top of the world, breathing pure-crisp air, floating in sky-high.

Her knees felt like they were about to give up at one moment, and she was pinching herself, forcing her to stay awake, take in this moment fully.

The way he was looking at her. Ever so all-consuming and and almost  _adoringly_ , yet like he couldn't believe his eyes… like she was a ghost, or a figment of his imagination.

So many years, so many days begging to see him, to explore this feelings that were concealed for years by the feelings of  _another_.

She couldn't take it anymore.

"Kouga" She whispered, yet it rumbled all over the den.

And just like that, whatever spell had him looking at her that way, broken.

He seemed to snap out of his stupor, take the reigns back to reality…

His entire body stiffened, almost as he was face to face with an incredible danger.

He frowned at her, sending her the iciest, most intense glare she's ever received in her life, piercing right through her heart.

His blue eyes left her, and darted between Ginta and Hakkaku.

With that, he turned on his feet, without so much a word, and walked through one of the tunnels.

Ginta and Hakkaku sighed and followed him right behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my GOSH!!   
> This gotta be the longest chapter I’ve written in my entire elfin life!! I can’t believe I’m posting a chapter THIS long! But oh well, it didn’t feel right to cut it in half, plus, I’m kinda making up for leaving you hanging for months (I’M SORRY!!)  
> Worry no more, though. This gotta be the best story I’ve ever written (at least in my opinion) I just LOVE this plot and this characters and where this is going!! I don’t think I can’t wait enough to finish the next chapter. Plus, we’re seriously lacking KogKag content. HELP.  
> I also wanna point out that I’ve had an issue while writing throughout this ENTIRE thing. I kept on writing ‘daemon’ instead of ‘demon’ because I’m so obsessed with His Dark Materials. It’s SO GOOD!! And it’s literally my childhood! I’m so happy the books are getting such a wonderful and worthy adaptation.   
> Also, next chapter we’re gonna have a bit of Kouga’s pov. so stay tuned for that!  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I have. Thank you for the previous reviews by the way! I LOVE them and they help me so much when writing so don’t be shy and tell me what you think :)  
>  And just one more thing! I don’t know about you but besides comments and love/criticism from readers, the other thing that inspires me to write is music! So, if you know of a song that makes you think of KogKag please let me know! :)
> 
> Thanks for reading and till next time! 
> 
> Silvana


	3. Chapter 3

_Just one more hit and then we're through_   
_'Cause you could never love me back_   
_Cut every tie I have to you_   
_'Cause your love's a fucking drag_

_But I need it so bad_

_\- 'Nicotine' Panic! At the Disco_

Kouga gripped the edges of the make-shift rock table so hard it was threatening to break as soon as he entered the private den where he usually held his war-related meetings with his higher-ranked pack members.

He let out a raged, shaky breath, while his clawed fingers grinded over the rocky surface causing an unpleasant sound; all in order to keep himself from turning to dust the entire fucking mountain.

His whole body was tensed up, all muscles flexed so hard that if anyone touched him right now would've said he was made of solid iron. His lips twitched, fangs pocking out dangerously, threatening to let out a spine-chilling growl. His eyebrows, deep in a frown, as he closed his eyes tightly, hiding their now blood-red color. His nostrils flared, intoxicated in a scent he was  _not_  supposed to smell ever  _fucking_  again.

His eyes, haloed crimson, only snapped open when he heard his two idiotic 'second in command' entering the den, to then stand behind him as they fought nervous fidgets.

It took everything inside him not to rip them apart right there and then.

"I wonder if I haven't made myself clear enough before" He said, some words coming out in animalistic snarls, as he refused to turn to them still. If he turned before calming his youkai down, he'll rip them apart before at least hearing what could've  _possessed_  them to do what they did; and calming down was proving to be a difficult task right now, with her scent, her aura, her  _everything_  taking over him like some  _goddamn_  poison.

"K-Kouga w-we can expla-" Ginta started to say, as his voice trembled in fear.

Koga didn't even give him a chance to finish the sentence.

"Yeah, you  _fucking_  better!" He shouted, youkai voice interlacing with his, as the rock table snapped in two.

The two of them nearly jumped out of their skin when Kouga turned to face them.

"I wanna know what in hell possessed you two, to decide it was  _great idea_  to go against a  _direct order_  of mine" He snarled, but felt himself calm down just enough so his youkai was tamed down. "Every fucking wolf in here was ordered to never, under  _any_  circumstances, let her step a foot on the mountain. So, help me understand how you two that knew  _exactly_  what went down, out of every single demon, brought her here?!"

"W-We didn't want to, I swear!" Hakkaku stuttered out. "We told her that we were ordered not to let her in the mountain, but she refused to listen!"

"Y-Yeah, she basically black-mailed us!" Ginta agreed quickly.

" _What?_ " Kouga spat out, not really as a question but more in disbelief at how much stupidity was coming out of his betas' mouths.

"W-We explained her the situation, a-and told her to go home, told her it was for the best-" Hakkaku started.

"A-And told her how dangerous it was for her to be in the woods at the moment!" Ginta added.

"And we told her we weren't allowed to take her to the mountains so w-we were just gonna escort her out of the woods" Hakkaku continued.

"A-And then she was like 'Pity, I'm not going anywhere'" Ginta said, trying to imitate Kagome's voice in a high pitch tone.

"Y-Yeah! And then she was like 'And if you're not going to help me, I'll get to the mountains on my own. I'm not going home until I talk to Kouga'" Hakkaku said then, now also imitating Kagome's voice.

"And you know how stupid that was gonna be! The woods packed with northerns and westerns, and the eating humans' treaty! Kami, she was already  _wounded_  as well"

Kouga's youkai flared at this, and he wanted to punch it for it.

Of course he knew she was wounded. It was one of the reasons he turned back to the mountains, fast as lighting, a few minutes after he felt her presence near his home while he was miles away from it.

Kouga was not only a wolf demon, but an alpha at that. His senses excelled almost every demon's alive, and also excelled all of his pack member's senses by  _far_. He could hear, smell and sense everything that was  _miles_  away from him. On top of that, Kagome was his-

He started to sense her just as soon as she was a few miles away from her village.

He was far away at that moment, nearing the Southern Lands when he first felt her.

He found it odd, but his mind soon figured that maybe she was traveling somewhere. His lands, while considerably far away, surrounded her village somewhat. So, she would've had to cross them if she wanted to travel pretty much anywhere.

The fact that it was the first time ever she moved from that village was nagging him, but he ignored it.

He needed to triple check that the Southern tribe was still set on not partaking on the war. They were having enough on their plates as it was. While the Eastern tribe still outnumbered the Northern and Western tribes combined (just  _one_  of the several reasons there was a war in the first place) and his men were undoubtedly stronger and smarter than their opponents, he wasn't sure if they would be able to handle another tribe joining the opposite side, no matter how superior they were in numbers or battling skills.

He knew that the  _leaders_  of the North tribe were going to try to lure the South to join them. So, he had to make sure that the Southern alpha was still set on his first decision; and if he was not, Kouga would  _enjoyed_  to help him stay put.

That's why he didn't stop nor turned around when he felt her. After all, only one of his many forests was the one with that 'treaty' he made.

_'Every nearby village knows what's going on'_  he remembered thinking.  _'I'm certain hers' knows too, and if they don't, villagers on her way will warn her'_ was another thought that crossed his mind at that time  _'She's not stupid'._

Though, something that was nagging his mind just a bit was the fact that she was almost alone. He could feel the neko-demon with her, but no one else. No mutt.

He briefly wondered if it was because InuYasha was a hanyou, that's why he was having trouble sensing him, and her other travel companions were human. Sure, she was human as well, but she was… she was  _Kagome_ , of course he'd feel her.

What he needed to do regarding the Southern tribe was extremely important, and could not wait. He was in charge of a numerous pack facing a war right now. He was an alpha, he couldn't turn back on his tribe, much less for her, out of all beings in the universe.

Not to mention, he  _truly_  didn't want to see her to begin with.

So, he continued to run his 'errands' while unconsciously keeping tabs of her movements.

He was done dealing with the Southern alpha when his heart nearly skipped a beat.

She was nearing the edge of the forest.

Why on  _hell_  she was nearing the edge of the forest.

Without so much a word, and as soon as he ruthlessly forced the South to stay out of his way, he bolted towards his lands.

Moments later, when she was already undoubtedly flying across the forest, she was wounded, badly.

With now crimson eyes, and growling through sharp-mortal fangs, he picked up his pace.

He mentally thanked whatever god or devil was around when Ginta and Hakkaku found her and saved her.

He allowed himself to calm down once he stopped smelling blood pouring out of her.

Still, he was angry at himself. Sure, he could feel bad if anything ever happened to her, but the way he reacted? Desperation, madness, rage consuming him in his entirety, his youkai almost taking completely over after centuries of being in complete control over it.

This tiny woman always sent him over the edge.

He reflected that no matter how much distance was between them, how many years they spent without even catching a glimpse of the other, he would always react this way when it came to her. After all, it was natural, quite literally.  _She_  was  _his_ , regardless of whatever she tried to convince herself.  _He_  was  _hers_ , she would never be able to be indifferent when it came to him, no matter how hard she tried.

She would  _always_  be his, she would always feel like a part of him.

So, he would always lose the reigns when it came to her, no matter how badly he didn't wanna see her ever again.

Still, he could not fit in his own and utter shock when he realized that not only she was indeed going for his den, but that  _fucking_  Ginta and Hakkaku were escorting her.

Just when he thought they'd matured at last.

"W-What would you have us do in his situation?" Ginta asked, bringing Kouga back to the present issue.

"I would've you take her back to where she came from, dragging her by the feet if fucking needed!" Kouga growled out, making them both jump back. "You should've escorted her back to her damned village by force if she refused, I don't give a fuck; place her on the mutt's arms with a bow on top, and tell him to put a freaking leash on her if necessary to keep this from happening ever again!"

"Kouga you know her better than we do! She would've tried again! You know how she is, sis would never-" If looks could kill, Hakkaku would've dropped dead on the spot. "KAGOME! I mean  _Kagome_ " He corrected himself instantly.

One of the other explicit, direct orders from Kouga was to never, ever call her sister again.

"You  _do_  know that there's a hundred demons outside waiting for me to execute you?" Kouga said through a clenched jaw.

Hell, while he didn't want to  _kill_  them, because they were Ginta and Hakkaku after all, he did want to hurt them, really,  _really_  bad.

Hakkaku gulped down in fear and Ginta sighed.

"We know" Ginta said looking down at the floor. "And we understand and accept if you do" Kouga raised an eyebrow at this.

" _We do?_ " Hakkaku squeaked out, looking at his best friend in disbelief.

"Yes" Ginta said, without a single hesitation. "At least I do" Kouga blinked in surprise at this. "I don't regret what I did" Kouga clenched his jaw "I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if she died when I could've protected her" Ginta continued, and it took everything inside Kouga not to react to the statement "I mean… She's  _Kagome_ " He added, and Kouga knew he meant 'she's  _sister'_. "So, yeah… I'm good with whatever punishment you see fit, Alpha Kouga"

Kouga didn't know how he managed not to flinch at that. Everyone in the pack called him that, except these two. So, it only meant one thing. Whatever Ginta was saying was 100% serious.

"Y-Yeah, me too!" Hakkaku said after a moment.

Kouga sighed and tried not to give any other sort of reaction.

He couldn't blame them for the way they were acting. Wolf demons were extremely familiar beings, they depended on each member of the pack, just like each member of the pack depended on them. Kagome was his intended mate, their Alpha's intended mate. It's no surprise that they would've tried to protect her. But, it wasn't only that. Ginta and Hakkaku were Kagome's friends, too, unlike the rest of the pack.

Not a single pack member would dare go against an Alpha's direct order. Not only because there're definitely less painful ways to die, but because it was also a sign of disrespect towards the pack, too.

But, Ginta and Hakkaku would, because Kagome (at least once upon a time) was their friend.

It'll almost felt unfair to blame them. But, they had to be punished, anyone else would've dealt with his ruthless fury, he couldn't just skip past them completely.

So the question was, what to do now?

"You need to get rid of her" Kouga finally said, earning a dumbfounded look from both of them. "And you'll loose your privileges until I feel you can be trusted again" He added, frowning at them while showing fangs to let them know he was being serious. "Go,  _now_ " He said. "I don't want to see her when I get out of here"

"Kouga there's something else, though…" Ginta said, and as if he was reading his mind, Hakkaku turned to him with a concerned glance as well.

Kouga said nothing, tired of discussing and negotiating with this two. They should've just shut their mouths and run towards the village with Kagome in hand while thanking Kami he had mercy on them by now. So, he just waiting for him to continue.

"There's not a single trace of InuYasha on her"

X

It was funny.

It was funny how she was almost atop of a mountain right now, yet she felt the Earth swallowing to the very center.

Kirara, still on her smaller form, was growling consistently while each hair on her pelt was up… but, that didn't stop anyone from looking at her.

As soon as Ginta and Hakkaku disappeared from her sight, tailing a raging Kouga, each and every single pair of eyes (at least the alive ones) turned to her, accusingly.

At first, she pointedly ignored every of them.

Her eyes went down to the ground, as she tried to focus on petting Kirara as best as she could.

It worked well at first, but now? It was impossible to ignore the comments that were being whispered all around her.

_"How dare she come back after rejecting him like that?!"_

_"And for a disgusting hanyou, no less!"_

_"Great timing, too! In the middle of the war no less, as if Kouga wasn't stressed enough as it is!"_

_"He better not take her back, after she disrespected him like that!"_

_"I agree, showing up here when she pleases, the nerve!"_

_"Kouga deserves so much better"_

_"Most of the females are prettier than her, too…"_

_"Maybe that mutt kicked her out, that's why she's here with her tail between her legs!"_

_"Don't be stupid, it's because of the bond! It was only a matter of time…"_

_"Still, he shouldn't take her back"_

_"Why would he? He has enough female attention here…"_

Kagome felt like she sunk down half her size, and tears were pricking the corners of her eyes.

They were right, for the most part. Except for the part where they implied that she rejected him knowing the  _truth_ , which she  _didn't_. She knows she should've given him the benefit of the doubt, but how could she know?

'He has enough female attention here'

That broke Kagome's heart in a trillion pieces. Sure, she knew better than to expect Kouga to be mate-less and just loyal to a woman who has rejected him, told him she never wanted to see him again, and disappeared for three years. Still, that didn't mean it didn't hurt like a truck from back home was running over her heart over and over.

She tried to calm herself down, and remember Sango's advice.

She wasn't here to be with him, at least that wasn't the most important thing.

She was here to apologize. To accept her mistake, beg for forgiveness, and hope Kouga could at least take her back as a friend.

Still, it appeared that some part of her held to the hope of him still being in love with her.

That part of her was having the butt-kick of it's life.

What made her more angry, though, was the fact that these demons were probably reading her like an open book. Smelling each and every emotion their comments were causing on her.

_"And to think poor Ginta and Hakkaku have to pay the price of this"_

_"I know… Kouga's probably gonna hold their execution this evening"_

That made her head snap up.

_Execution?!_

She knew they were in trouble, big trouble, but definitely not  _that_  kind of trouble!

Ginta and Hakkaku were Kouga's best friends, for crying out loud! Surely he wouldn't!

In the midst of panic, Kagome was still able to focus for a moment and search for Kouga's aura. It took her almost a millisecond, it was impossible for her not to feel him, anyways. Not with him being close to her.

Without sparing so much a glance to the wolf demons looking at her, she started to walk towards where she felt him, as wolf demons got out of her way, too shocked to even stop her.

She followed the feeling towards a tunnel and after a while, still gripping Kirara on her arms, she came face to face with an entrance to a smaller den.

Guarded by two wolf demons.

"Eh! What are  _you_  doing here?!" One of them instantly exclaimed at the sight of her.

"This tunnel is off-limits! Only the ones that were  _explicitly_  called by Alpha Kouga can be here!" The other one added.

"Let me in, I need to speak to him" Kagome said, unintimidated by the two bulky wolf demons.

"Haven't you heard us, lil human? You're not supposed to be here!" The first one exclaimed pointedly stepping in front of the entrance, blocking her way.

"I won't ask again. I need to speak to him,  _now_!" Kagome said unwavering.

"Now listen here you little bit-"

It happened way faster than any of them could've expected. A shot of lilac beaming reiki shot from her hand and towards them. It was in no way something that could've harmed them gravely, just superficial. Something to simply leave them unconscious for a little while.

She expected them to understand the urgency in her tone of voice, but it became clearer and clearer with each passing second that whatever was going on between wolf demons, something that they would  _never_  do was disobey their Alpha, under any circumstances.

After looking down at the unconscious demons on the ground, checking for anything out of what she expected, she turned to the entrance and without a second thought, running the fur that was serving as a door/curtain.

The den was even further away from what she anticipated, not just at the other side of the 'curtain'. She had to walk a shorter tunnel once again, before finally entering a small, fire-lit den.

The three people in there instantly turned to her.

Her heart leaped to her throat once her chocolate brown eyes connected with icy blue ones.

" _Kouga_ " She whispered under her breath again, much like a few moments ago, when she first saw him.

And, just like when he first saw her, he turned to Ginta and Hakkaku with a deep frown.

"Take her back to her village,  _now_ " He growled at both of them, making Kagome shiver at both: the sound of his voice for the first time in years and the danger in his growl.

Ginta opened his mouth, as if to object, but he didn't have the chance to let out a sound.

"Ginta, Kami help me, if a single sound comes out of your goddamn mouth, I'll rip you apart right here, right now." Kouga growled again, making Ginta snap his mouth shut instantly.

"No!" Kagome exclaimed as soon as Kouga's threat was out. "You can't murder them!" Kouga turned to her again, looking rather confused this time. "I heard about the execution! You can't kill them!"

" _What?!_ " He exclaimed nearly bewildered. It was the first word he directly spoke to her. ' _What'_.

"It was me! I blackmailed them. I know they disobeyed your orders, but I put them both in an impossible position. It's not their fault! You can't kill them because of me!" Kagome was nearly babbling now, tears running from the corners of her eyes. "They were just trying to help me! I knew they wouldn't let me go on my own because they're both so kind hearted! And I took advantage of it! It was me! Please don't kill them, they're your best friends, you cannot kill them!"

"No one's getting killed!" Kouga finally exclaimed in exasperation.

Kagome stopped abruptly.

"What? There won't be an execution?" Kagome asked.

"No si-Kagome" Hakkaku said "Kouga decided for another punishment. We appreciate your concern, tho-"

"Alright, that's enough. Take her to her village now before I change my mind" Kouga said, and started to walk towards one of the edges of the den, where another rock- makeshift table was and Kagome watched as Ginta and Hakkaku walked towards her with sympathetic look on their faces.

She instantly took a step back from them.

"Wait-No!" She said, bringing Kirara even closer to her as she stepped back. "I told them I'm not going anywhere until we talk!" She said, turning to Kouga that was now a few meters away from her.

She literally saw how all his muscles stiffened in tension and how his aura grew in anger.

Kagome gulped down, as she also bit her lips. She knew she was pressing her luck and probably shouldn't be speaking at him like this, all things considered. But, what else what she supposed to do to make him listen?

It was crystal clear that he did not want her here.

"Oh,  _you told_  them?" Kouga scoffed back instantly in a sarcastic manner, making Kagome regret instantly the way she spoke the words. "So, of course, you  _expect_  them to do as you say, over their orders,  _my_  orders"

"I didn't mean it like that-" Kagome said with a small voice, glancing at the ground once again, but Kouga quickly interrupted her.

"Seriously, though, Kagome" Kouga then asked, and Kagome turned her eyes on him once again. He was looking straight at her this time, eyes piercing hers, unwavering. "What the  _fuck_  are you even doing here?"

The sound of her name coming out of his lips after so long sent hot jolts all over her body, yet question and the harshness of it crushed Kagome's heart, but she didn't blame him for asking that nor for being angry. Who wouldn't?

"I'm here to talk" She said once again.

"Talk about  _what_ , exactly?" He scoffed and took a few steps towards her but still maintained a considerable distance between them. "There's absolutely  _nothing_  to talk about, Kagome. It's been  _three fucking_  years, for Kami's sake!" He nearly roared, making Kagome flinch. "What on hell makes you think that I'll sit down and chat with you after all this fucking time?!" Kagome opened her mouth to talk, but he stepped even closer to her, and interrupted her before she could say anything. "And in the middle of the fucking war, no less! Like I actually have the time for more shit!"

"I didn't know you were at war!" Kagome finally roared back. "I only knew when Ginta and Hakkaku told me after they found me!"

"And yet you  _still_  decided to put up your little stunt and force them to bring you here instead of turning around and going back home!" Kouga raged on. "Ya know, you should be grateful it was them the ones to find you and bring you here. Because if it were any of my other pack members they would be fucking  _dead_  already!"

"I'm sorry, alright?! I know I shouldn't be inconveniencing you right now, but I couldn't wait any longer!" She defended herself.

"And just  _how_  much did you wait, Kagome? A year? A month? Or was it just a few days ago that the mutt finally got tired of you so you decided to settle for the next best as soon as you could?!" Kouga growled out.

"It's not like that, Kouga, and you  _know_  it!" Kagome said, now actually feeling offended. Yes, she knew that once upon a time (without knowing any better) she chose InuYasha over Kouga but it was because she didn't know the truth back then and she knew Kouga knows that! Besides, implying that she simply just moved on to the next plate once she had her fill of the first one,  _was_  an insult.

"I don't care, Kagome! I, sincerely,  _don't give a fuck!_ " Kouga said with such an angered force that made everyone in the room flinch and step back. "This is not your place." He said then. "You shouldn't be here. You should be at home with your  _mate_  or your family or whoever the fuck is there, and you should go back there  _right now_ " he said with finality. "Take her home" He turned to the two frightened wolf demons that were looking at both of them in terrified shock and turned his back to her again as he moved towards the edge of the den once more.

The two of them, with cautious movements, started walking towards Kagome.

"No" She said, and snatched back the arm that Ginta tried to grab. "I refuse to go anywhere until we talk!" She loudly declared again, frowning and watching as Kouga turned to her once again.

"Then they'll drag you there, I don't care" He said and pretended to shrug her off.

"Then I'll come back" Kagome said challengingly, frown deep on her face as she advanced towards him. "And again, and again, and  _again_! No matter how many times you have them push me away, I will return! And if I have to  _purify_  every single one of your wolves to get you to talk to me, I will!"

Kouga eyed her, head to toe, without giving away any emotion for her to read, before he turned to his packmates again.

"Are you to deaf or something?" He simply said, and Kagome watched from the corner of her eye how both of them trembled but advanced nervously towards her again.

"Ginta, Hakkaku, I swear to god, if you lay a single claw on me I'll knock you both unconscious" She said threateningly and shot a spark of her reiki for good measure, making both of them instantly retract from her.

"B-Boss?" Hakkaku stuttered, as both of them looked towards their Alpha, unsure of what to do.

Kouga didn't even glance at them, his icy blue eyes still on Kagome, surveying her, observing her, with that very same aura he had when she first saw him. His body tensed up, eyes sharp… just as if he was about to be attacked, as if he was about fight.

Kagome knew that he wouldn't dare touch her right now, not like she would ever  _hurt_  him, but still. He also wouldn't let his packmates suffer a potential purification just to get her out of her mountains.

She also knew, that this was because Kouga didn't know the extend of her powers now. Back when he knew the extend of them, she could only summon them when using a bow and arrow.

This was unknown territory, and wolves weren't anything but cautious and protective of their pack members. He wouldn't risk it… but she also didn't want to corner him like this.

He was mad, and rightfully so. He wanted her out of his home,  _also_  rightfully so, since she came here uninvited. Plus, not only she was cornering him right now, but also challenging his power, his position as Alpha… in his home, in front of his packmates.

Still, she needed to talk to him and she refused to spend another day away from him without explaining herself.

They needed to meet at a middle point, though.

"I'm sorry, Kouga" She said at first, but he didn't even flinch. Attack mode still on. "I know you don't want to talk to me or listen to me or even have me near you right now" She said. "And you're absolutely right to feel that way. It's not fair for me to force you to talk right now, I don't wanna force you if you don't want to" It was only then when Kouga blinked at her, probably believing she was gonna accept and turn back to where she came from. "But I can't go back. I can't stay away from you without me saying what I need to say. Without you  _listening_  to me" She continued, her voice wavering while her eyes got teary. "I will stay here" She stated, watching as Kouga clenched his jaw at this. "I will stay here, waiting as long as I have to. Weeks, months, years, whatever. I'll wait here until you're ready to hear me talk." Kouga frowned even deeper to her now, and she felt Ginta and Hakkaku's eyes looking at her disbelievingly. "I won't bother you, I promise. I'll help you, help with the war. I'll earn my keep, or whatever you need. But, I can't go back. I  _can't_  go back, I'm sorry"

She didn't know if Kouga understood what she was saying or not. She didn't know if he understood the real necessity she had to stay -to stay with him- at least until they talked.

However, she did know that he understood the fact that she was going to fight - _and most likely win_ \- if they tried to remove her from this mountains.

It felt like time was passing agonizingly slow as she waited for a reaction coming from him, but Kouga didn't even flinch for the longest time, until he turned to his betas once again.

"She's your problem" He said at first "You'll deal with her. You'll find her something to do, where she'll be staying, what she'll be eating" Kagome couldn't help but feel completely bothersome and unwanted. The scene looked like a father talking to his children about a stray puppy he didn't want. "I don't want to be bothered by this not even  _once_." He said the last part looking pointedly at her, to then turn to his betas once again. "I trust I'm being  _crystal_  clear this time" He finally said, nearly growling at the end.

"Y-Yes, Kouga!" Ginta and Hakkaku stuttered out.

One last menacing look was all it took for them to start to dragging Kagome out of the den they were currently in. Here only choice being to accept being dragged by them while looking at Kouga until they finally left the den.

The look Kouga gave her as she exited the den was one she never in a million years expected to ever get from him, and one she prayed she never have to see again being directed at her.

She swallowed the need to cry and she directed her focus at both wolf demons walking her through the maze of dens.

She wondered how anyone could find their way in this mountains.

_'Scent, for starters. Plus, they lived here their entire lives, probably.'_  her mind instantly supplied, as she started to get nervous as to how she was supposed to survive in here in the first place if she couldn't even find her way through the tunnels. Sure, she could find her way to Kouga, just as easily as she could breathe. His aura so present and intense, constantly luring her towards it now that they were so close. But, she figured that Kouga would rather have his eyes clawed out than having her near, at least at the moment. He needed time and she understood, so keeping out of his way for now was for the best.

Ginta and Hakkaku stopped suddenly, in front of another door/curtain fur pelt hanging in front of what seemed a small den.

"Here, this should suffice" Ginta said, moving the pelt out of the way for them to go in.

When the three of them were inside the pitch black den, Kagome felt Hakkaku move towards one of the edges, and she hear her grab what she thought were rocks, before hearing how he friction them to create fire, and then light a large wax candle that was sitting in a carved hole in the right wall of the den.

The small place light up instantly, warm orange light washing over it.

Kagome instantly turned to observe the room they where in. It was small, just like she thought when she was at the entrance, maybe even a bit smaller than her room back home and definitely smaller than the hut she had back in Kaede's village.

She could see there were two more carved wholes with candles, one in the left cavern wall and once behind the makeshift bed (considerably large for the room, actually) made of a base of straws and topped with a thin fur pelt that she couldn't identify from what it was made. A tiny make-shift rock table besides the bed, some leftover-burnt out firewood in a corner that she supposed was a spot for a fireplace during winter, and that was pretty much it.

Not that she complained at all, it was actually a lot more than she expected.

"Didn't wolves sleep in packs?" Her thoughts came out of her mouth.

They both look at her a little bit surprised, probably not expecting such knowledge.

"Unmated wolves sleep together" Hakkaku clarified "There are two larger dens, for unmated males and females"

"Yeah, when a couple mates, though, we have several of these smaller dens available for them" Ginta added.

"Oh!" Kagome said, kind of embarrassed. "You shouldn't be giving this to me, then! I can sleep with the rest of the unmated girls!" Kagome assured.

Even if she would definitely be nervous and uncomfortable sleeping with a bunch of stranger girls that surely hated her, she didn't want to take any advantage of anything in any way that might bother Kouga.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Ginta quickly assured with an easy smile. "You'll be much comfortable here! Plus, much safer as well!"

Kagome's eyes widened at the last statement. What the heck does that meant? Was she in actual danger in here? Could some of Kouga's wolves actually hurt her? She knew that they were angry at her and what she did, but Kouga was letting her stay here. Surely they wouldn't attack her, right?

Hakkaku, instantly noting the look in her eyes, elbowed Ginta.

"It's not what you're thinking!" He was quick to say. "He meant because of the war. Things are really rushed this days, and while some of the females help with the injured and with the den, there are some that go to fight, too. You wouldn't be able to rest properly there. Also, this den is much, much deeper in the mountain than the ones for the unmated, because normally mated couples also have their cubs with them, so unmated wolves can protect them if there's an attack or something"

Kagome nodded in understanding at his explanation. It made sense. Still…

"I still don't want to use a potential couple's den just because!" She explained. They both laughed quietly at this.

"There won't be any potential couples anytime soon, with the war going on and stuff. Newly mated couples are real unstable, no one won't risk it right now" Hakkaku said. "Plus, we have so many of this smaller dens, we're always building more of them"

"Yeah, don't worry, sis!" Ginta said with a warm smile, and it took him about to seconds to realize what he said. "I mean Kagome!"

Kagome smiled at him, half softened by the fact that the 'nickname' just came out of him so easily, and half saddened at how he was always correcting himself after using it.

Ginta noticed her smile, and couldn't help but smile a bit sadly as well.

"Old habits die hard, I guess" He said. Kagome only smiled wider.

"You don't have to stop calling me sister, you know" She said, pleading in her mind.

Both wolf demons shared a look, to then turn to her defeated.

"It's not really our choice" Hakkaku said, without needing to explain any further.

Kagome felt something pierce through her heart for the millionth time in the day. Part of her wanted to know everything Kouga has ordered his wolves to do or not to do in regards of her, but it'd only help in hurting her even more. So, she decided to change the subject instead.

She briefly wondered if she was wasting their time or not, but quickly chose to ignore that wonder. It's been three years and a hell of a day, a little catch up wouldn't hurt them that much, right?

"So" Kagome said. "There's a war going on… for three years"

"Yeah, demon wars usually don't last very long. We thought it would be over in a year or so but then the Western tribe decided to join in just when we were about to win, so…" Ginta said.

"It's it okay if I ask why is there a wolf demon war in the first place?" Kagome asked.

"Yeah, yeah. There's no problem. I mean, now that you will be staying here and stuff I don't see one at least" Hakkaku shrugged. "There's no 'a' reason, I guess. I mean, it definitely has to do with Kouga's ruling over the Eastern tribe, but there are several  _complaints_  you can say"

"Complaints?" Kagome asked a little bit perplexed. Sure, she never gave too much thought into Kouga's rule over his tribe, at least not into the details. But, she always thought he was an exceptional leader, even back when she first met him. It was just the way his people looked up to him. There was so much admiration and even devotion in his pack's eyes. Also the fact like he was so young (she didn't acknowledge this back then, but know she learned how to read demon's ages). To be such a young demon and have such numerous and not to mention devoted followers it surely meant something.

"Yeah, Kouga was getting too powerful in the eyes of certain wolf tribes" Ginta explained.

_'Ah'_  that made much more sense.

"We grew so much in numbers in such a short amount of time once we defeated Naraku, they got scared. Even more so because in some other regions fertility is definitely not the same." Hakkaku added.

"Yeah, also the fact that Kouga started training us scared them. They wondered if it was because we wanted to overtake them, but it just was because Kouga suffered a lot when so many of our packmates got killed by Naraku, he just didn't want to go through the same thing ever again" Ginta said.

"And also the fact that he's so young, gaining all this power" Hakkaku added.

"Yeah, I suppose I'd be jealous too" Kagome said, earning a light chuckle from both of them. "You said that the Western tribe decided to join later… So, it was the Northern one that declared war first?"

They both seemed to get  _suspiciously_  nervous at that question.

Kagome eyed them carefully.

"Uh… yeah, they did" Ginta said, rubbing the back of his head rather nervously.

"Why, though? I mean, I guess they were worried about your growing power but why don't just settle for a treaty or something? Or make sure you weren't trying to overtake them before attacking?" Kagome pressed on. There was something going on here, but she just couldn't figure out  _what_. She doubted Kouga was indeed trying to overtake every other tribe, and she also doubted he wasn't open for treaties or agreements.

"Well… we kinda uhm-" Hakkaku tried to say.

"Offended them?" Ginta supplied.

"Offended them?" Kagome parroted. "How so?"

"Well, uh… remember how I told you there were in fact  _several_  complaints about Kouga's Alpha position?" Ginta said and Kagome just nodded. "Well, it's very unheard of and unusual for an Alpha to be leading so many years without a uhm…  _mate_ "

Kagome blushed crimson at this.  _'Oh, my god, please no'_

It was already a big fucking deal that she rejected him and every single soul of his pack seemed to know and take offence at it, but the fact that a  _war_   _(a freaking war!)_  might have happened because of it?!

She closed her eyes and tried to avoid hearing the inevitable truth.

"So, when he couldn't well…. Have  _you_ " Hakkaku said.

"The Northern Alpha offered his granddaughter to be Kouga's mate and the Eastern tribe's Alpha female, and Kouga obviously rejected her" Ginta continued explaining.

" _Duh_ " Hakkaku said.

"So, of course, the rejection was taken as a great offence by the Northern tribe. I mean, it was the very best the North could offer, after all. She's gorgeous, and strong, not to mention the granddaughter of an Alpha" Ginta continued as he cited all these good qualities  _this girl_  had, making Kagome feel a sour taste in her mouth. "And she also wanted to be with Kouga…"

Kagome couldn't help but frown, and that only added to her surprise.

It's been so long since she has felt pure, raw jealousy… and a jealousy that was her  _own_. Fiery, raged, hot.

She was caught up in the feeling for a moment… until she realized something.

"Wait a minute" She said. "Pretty, strong girl from the North who's grandfather is an Alpha" She cited, the truth dawning down on her. "You can't be talking about…" She trailed off.

"Ayame" Hakkaku finished for her.

It was as if she summoned the iciest water from far North to then wash over her like a bucket of cold water.

How?

It felt as if she just remembered something long forgotten.

She suddenly remembered the wolf demoness existence.

How could she ever have forgotten her?

She was honestly amazed.

All these years dealing with nothing but wolf demon ghosts and she forgotten a very important one… and while she was still surprised about that fact, her curiosity about something else quickly overtook her.

"Why did he reject her?" she asked, and the question seemed to boom throughout every single inch of the dens.

Both demons in front of her looked at her like she was just insane.

"I mean" Kagome quickly said, trying to explain herself better "After everything…" She continued, trusting they would understand what she meant without needing much explanation "Why not Ayame?" She truthfully wondered. "I mean, she's just like you said… Gorgeous, strong, perfect to lead by his side" She cited, feeling jealousy grow within her again. "Why not take her as a mate?"

"What do you mean why?" Ginta asked half chuckling, wondering if it was a legit question. "He  _can't_ "

"He can't because he doesn't like her…?" Kagome questioned again, not really getting what was so obvious about the question. "Or because he doesn't want a treaty with the North tribe-" Hakkaku interrupted her before she even had a chance to finish.

"No, because he  _literally_  can't" Hakkaku said looking at her rather startled.

"What do you mean he  _literally can't_?" Kagome was starting to get a little irritated at them. They were looking at her like she was stupid or living after a rock till yesterday.

"Wolves can't mate with someone else other than their intended" Ginta finally said, as if it was so obvious "That's unless their intended mate dies"

Kagome was shook to her core.

She knew some of demon mating ways, and also some of demon law and stuff. Mostly because Sango taught her throughout this years and because not only she was a priestess, but a miko, so she  _had_  to know.

She never heard something like this, though… and considering the fact that her  _'mate'_  was currently with another it just didn't make any sense.

"So, that means that…" Kagome trailed off in a whisper, still shook.

"Kouga can't mate anyone but you" Hakkaku said. "At least until you, you know… die"

"How come you didn't know this?" Ginta asked. "I mean, I know you're human and stuff… but you're mated to a hanyou, right?"

Kagome flinched at that, but didn't respond.

"Also you have that demon slayer friend… I'm sure she knows this stuff!" Hakkaku added.

"I- She did, but-" Kagome stuttered out. "I'm pretty sure it's not like that!" She said a little louder than intended, nearly shouting. They didn't seem to notice it, though.

"What do you mean?" Ginta asked.

"I know for a fact that demons can take another mate" She simply said, jaw tensed.

"Well, yeah, of course! Demons can, but wolves? Never!" Hakkaku said, again as if it was just obvious.

"Wolves mate for life!" Ginta added, and Kagome felt a shiver run all over her body, remembering one of the first things Kouga said to her when they met. When he claimed her his woman.

The warmth that spread inside her turned sour soon, when another thought crossed her mind.

"So, basically, Kouga's waiting for me to die to take another mate?" She said icily.

Both of them looked at her completely horrified.

" _N-No_! That's not it at all, sis!" Ginta exclaimed, too horrified to notice the slip up of the nickname.

"It's not like it's a death sentence or something! Or like he's being forced to love you or to be with you!" Hakkaku exclaimed as well.

"He wants you. Just you. He can't possibly want any other woman while you're around" Ginta continued, making Kagome blush.

"When a wolf finds their intended mate, they're all they see" Hakkaku added.

"I mean, they can be intimate with someone else if they're not mated yet. But, regarding romantic feelings and mating? It's just impossible." Ginta said.

"Whether Ayame is attractive or not or perfect for him, Kouga could just never mate her" Hakkaku said. "It's almost as if the sole idea of mating someone other than your intended is repulsive"

"That's why wolf demons, while territorial, are not really jealous around their own kind regarding their mates" Ginta said. "Once you're already mated or in courtship process, affairs and such are just unheard of. We might be possessive when they're other demons around but between our kind? Never"

"And normally, once you find your intended mate the courtship process instantly begins" Hakkaku added.

"Look, I don't wanna sound unsensitive or anythin' but… while Kouga might have sex with other females right now, it's pretty much out of male needs" Ginta said, looking half regretful about letting her know that. Kagome just looked at the ground at the revelation. "He could never even consider any romantic involvement with anyone else. The feeling you have towards your intended mate is just incomparable to anything else you could even imagine"

Kagome stayed silent for a few moments, and they just waited for her to digest everything they said as they turned on the rest of the candles in the room.

It was unbelievable, in part. She would have never guessed.

Kouga could just never love anyone else, or even consider anyone else while she was around.

It was probably why he also was so angry at her right now. Not only she rejected him, but she quite literally felt him tied handed. There was just no other choice for him, not second chances or 'more fish in the sea' as the modern saying says.

It must have been horribly tortuous for him… The thought of never being able to be with anyone else at least for several decades (she hoped).

Then, another thought crossed her mind, making her instantly frown in confusion.

"Wait" She said, making both wolf demons turn to her again. "You said wolf demons can only mate or have romantic feelings towards their intended mate" She started, and they both nodded for her to continue "So, is Ayame's intended dead or something? How come she loves Kouga when she's  _clearly_  not his intended" She couldn't help but say 'clearly' with a little more emphasis than the rest of the words.

"Well, not exactly" Hakkaku said "Ayame's intended is indeed alive. He's the one in charge of the Northern armies"

"And she still loves Kouga?" Kagome asked but neither of them replied, and that was the only answer she needed. "How?"

Ginta sighed as he rubbed the back of his head again, looking a bit frustrated and struggling with his thoughts.

"Well, Ayame's situation is a bit weird" Ginta started "We think she's just in denial… and we blame Kouga for this as well"

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked.

"Well, Ayame was just so young, even for a demon, when Kouga made that stupid promise to her" Ginta explained. "He told us he made that promise expecting for her not only to forget it, but to understand the wolf demon mating process once she grew up" He excused his Alpha "Of course, you probably already know that didn't happen…"

"We think it's because she basically grew thinking about that stupid promise" Hakkaku cleared out.

"We also think that once she actually gives in at least just a bit into her intended mate, she'll realize there's simply no way she and Kouga could ever be together" Ginta added. "She's so obviously trying to maintain her distance from her intended, because deep down she knows"

"In other words: she's being a spoiled brat" Hakkaku simply said and Kagome mentally grinned at this.

"Still" Ginta said "Another thing that's keeping Ayame so insistent in this is that Kouga's case is a little bit unusual as well"

"What does that mean?" Kagome asked him.

"Well, while is not completely unheard of that a wolf demon's intended is human. It happened before, but just a couple of times and probably millenniums ago. But, it's still pretty unusual" Ginta explained. "Not to mention that it's an Alpha we're talking about… and the youngest and strongest one ever heard of"

"Not only that but, the fact that he was uhm-  _rejected_ " Hakkaku added.

"Most of the northerns think that, given the circumstances of both, Kouga's and Ayame's situation, it  _could_  be possible for them to mate" Ginta finally finished.

"… I see" Kagome said, finally seeing the bigger picture, and finally understanding why the Northern tribe was so offended and why they declared war.

Kouga was, quite possibly, the best wolf demon Alpha to ever be. He was young, strong, smart and with crazy leadership skills. He had the biggest, strongest tribe, that would likely only grew in numbers and in strength in the future.

… And, he has a human for intended mate, that  _rejected_  him.

Then there was Ayame, apparently the only wolf demon to ever manage to resist from falling for her own intended mate. Ayame, who has been obsessed with Kouga since she was a little girl.

Finally, there was the fact that the potential mating between the two would benefit two large, important wolf tribes… And Kouga rejected all that.

He rejected the girl (quite honestly, probably the very best the North had to offer, as Ginta said), he rejected the power, he rejected peace.

Quite possibly just because of what Kagome did.

Both wolves noticed the change in her feelings and what this new knowledge was doing to her, but said nothing to soothe it. It was something she needed to know, sooner rather than later, and even more so now that she was staying here, where she would experience in the flesh the effects of the war.

They shared a look, another perk of being in a wolf demon pack, it almost was as if they could read eachother's mind.

It would probably be painful, and make her uncomfortable, but they needed to know.

"So, now that you know all of these, I hope you don't mind if we ask you something as well" Hakkaku started.

That hat seemed to have snap Kagome off her thoughts, as she blinked to then look at them, with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Sure, what is it?"

They both shared a look again, and while they were nervous as fuck, there was no way they'd live another day with the curiosity.

"Why there's not a single trace of InuYasha on you?" Ginta finally asked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOSH, FINALLY! HOW LONG WAS THIS CHAPTER, HONESTLY?!
> 
> Hey you guys! It's been a while, but here I am again, quarantine stuck in home, with lots of time and wanting to update my fics!
> 
> Idk what to say rn, except that I hope you're staying safe and in home. I hope all of you are healthy, and If you aren't I wish you a safe, quick recovery! Stay safe you guys, it's a difficult time for everyone rn!
> 
> Anyways, did you enjoy it? LET ME KNOW!
> 
> Till next time!
> 
> -Silvana.

**Author's Note:**

> So... that was longer than expected.
> 
> Anyways, I finally finished writing this chapter, and I'm so excited to finally post this.
> 
> See, this is a very old theory of mine, something that I just can't ignore. 
> 
> What if Kagome's feelings for InuYasha are truly Kikyo's?
> 
> Hear me out. I have may reasons why to believe this lol
> 
> We know that Kagome and Kikyo 'share' a soul... and yet when Kikyo dies, her soul goes to heaven (I assume) and Kagome's soul remains. So, what I believe is that Kagome had Kikyo's soul until that demon witch brought her back, and Kikyo managed to steal part of her soul back. We also know (I'm pretty sure this is canon) that the part of soul Kikyo steals from Kagome is the angry, betrayed and vengeful part of it. So, what if Kagome has the happy part of it? the part that's in love with InuYasha? The part that wants to have a happy ever after with him?  
> Also, from day 1 InuYasha was attracted to Kagome only due to the fact that she reminded him of Kikyo... and he chose Kikyo over Kagome more times that we can count. He only settled for Kagome once Kikyo died. what if his attraction towards Kagome is slightly more deeper than just looks? What if it has to do with the fact that Kagome has part of Kikyo's soul inside her?  
> And the last thing: Kagome doesn't take crap from anyone, yet no matter how many times InuYasha fcks her over she barely even gets mad at him. it just seems so unreal to me, more so the fact that she "chose" to stay by his side no matter who he choses in the end.  
> Idk... what do you think?
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this. i just wanna let you know that this isn't an InuYasha is a dck fanfic, Kagome just can't help what she feels even if she knows that she's been fooled just like InuYasha did. She doesn't care about the fact that he cheated or is with Kikyo and so on.
> 
> So... did you like it?


End file.
